The Dark Night of Brian's Soul
by violette7
Summary: Justin has just left with Ethan. Brian leaves the Rage party shortly thereafter, alone and depressed. He meets a supernatural being who wishes to help him attain his heart's desire.
1. Enter the Ghost

Brian was standing in an alley near Tremont. After Justin had departed with the fiddler, he'd left the party and started walking. Walking and thinking. Walking, thinking, and regretting, though he'd never admit it.

Suddenly, someone emerged from the shadows. Brian hissed, "Who the fuck are you?"

The man replied softly, "A friend."

Brian just stared at him.

The man added, "You should have accepted my first response. You won't like the truth."

Brian prodded, "Which is?"

The man stated simply, "I'm a ghost."

Brian scoffed, "A ghost? More like a lunatic."

"Nope. Just a ghost. Go ahead. Try to touch me."

Brian hesitated, but then approached and tried to grab the man's arm. Brian's fingers passed through his arm as though it was made of air. He backed up, eyes wide, looking a bit pale.

He exclaimed, "Shit, what the fuck did I take?"

The ghost laughed. "Nothing. Well, not nothing, but you are actually sober at this point."

"Okay, assuming you are a ghost, why are you here? Why are you talking to me?"

The ghost sighed. "Because I've been watching you for the last couple of years. I wasn't going to meddle, but, despite myself, I've become invested in your future."

Brian, suspicious, asked, "How so? If you're really a ghost, nothing that happens to me will affect you…"

The ghost replied slowly, "True, but watching has made me care about what happens to you. I want you to be happy, and, despite your many flaws, I think you deserve to be."

Brian was astonished and confused.

The ghost laughed and suggested, "Look, I know this concept is alien to you, so let's skip the why part and move on to the how part."

"The how part?"

"Yes, how I am going to help you…"

"This isn't a Christmas Carol thing, is it?"

The ghost chuckled. "No, it's not Christmas. I don't know all of your past or any of your future. I just know what's been going on with you the last couple of years and what's happening right now."

"How would that help me? I know all that, too."

The ghost retorted sharply, "Actually you don't. You only know about events you were present for. You can't see the bigger picture."

Brian nodded his head, but he had his doubts. A great many doubts. "Ah…"

The ghost smiled. "I can also do a neat trick."

"What's that?"

"I can let you see how I remember certain events. I just have to possess you temporarily."

Brian yelled, "Hell fucking no! You stay on your side of the alley, and I'll stay on mine."

The ghost cajoled, "I'd only do it for a few minutes at a time."

Then he implored, "Look, Justin just left with the fiddler. You can still fix what you broke, but you need to trust me."

Brian clenched his fists and looked down.

The ghost was growing impatient. "We don't have much time. Justin still loves you and wants to be with you. But if you do nothing, he'll put up walls. He'll start framing everything you two experienced in a negative light because he doesn't think you love him, and he's bitter about that. Starting to be anyway. Soon it will wreck all that was good about your 'relationship.' (the ghost makes air quotes as he says relationship) Even if you reconcile later, that bitterness will remain. He'll trust less, fear more, and start leaving at the drop of a hat. Believe me, I know."

Brian snapped defensively, "How the fuck could you know that?"

The ghost was becoming angry. "Because, asshole, I've been where you are. I made the wrong choice. I let the person I loved leave, really leave, and, even though we reunited later, nothing was ever the same. What I've learned from my own experience and from the hundreds of years I've watched the living is that you can't ever let your lover leave. The first time is always the hardest. After that, everything changes."

Brian swallowed hard. The ghost's words were making him uneasy.

The ghost sighed and grabbed Brian's phone.

Brian exclaimed, "Hey, you aren't solid. How are you even holding that?"

The ghost explained, "I can become solid for a few minutes at a time. It's not pleasant, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't know why I thought you might be more willing to accept help. You want Justin back, and badly. It's written clearly in your eyes. But you're letting your foolish pride keep you from getting what you want, what you need, and it's starting to annoy me."

The ghost began punching numbers. Lots and lots of numbers.

Brian snapped impatiently, "Are you fucking calling the moon?"

The ghost laughed. "No. I was texting Justin."

Brian's eyes widened in horror. "You didn't!"

"I did. I'll read it to you. 'Sunshine, I need you. I know I fucked up big time. I don't even know why I did it. Maybe I was jealous and hurt and wanted to hurt you back. I'm not sure. Please meet me at the loft in an hour. If you want to go back to the fiddler after, I'll understand, but I need to see you. B'"

Brian laughed. "Justin will never believe I sent that."

The phone lit up, and the ghost laughed. "Wanna bet on it? Justin replied, 'I'm not promising anything, but I'll be there. S' Isn't that sweet? He signed it 'S' as in Sunshine. That tells me that he still considers himself yours. And the whole 'I'm not promising anything' means that he's at least tempted to reconcile. So now I have an hour to get you to come to your senses."


	2. Less than Fond Memories

Without warning, the ghost stepped into Brian, and, suddenly, Brian saw a series of images, bits and pieces of scenes. But he was more than a passive viewer. He could feel what the ghost had felt watching the original scenes and hear the ghost's thoughts.

Brian saw himself telling Justin that they weren't together, the pain on Justin's face as he strode off, looking for a trick or three to fuck, Justin watching him flirt with Sean, a betrayed look in Justin's eyes, the look of anguish in his eyes when he saw Justin fucking Sean later, Justin's tears as he told the boy he'd forget all about him when he was in New York. Next, Brian saw himself pushing Justin to go to a frat party with Daphne, the kid Justin had deflowered acting so sad when Justin wouldn't kiss him, Justin taking pity on the kid and indulging him, the look of desolation on his face when he realized Justin had broken one of the rules, Justin brushing the kid off later, and the look on Justin's face after the kid ran off, as though he'd become a monster.

Then as quickly as it started, it ended.

Brian hissed, "What the fuck were you trying to show me? That I'm no good for Justin? This I already knew."

The ghost retorted, "You can be such a dolt. No. I was trying to show you that Justin will always come back even after you push him away, but that in the process of pushing him away, to protect yourself or to make him find the ever elusive 'something better,' you hurt yourself and him, and in the end, you don't even achieve your goal. He'll never be able to leave forever because he loves you, is in love with you, and whatever you say, you love him, too, so you'll always welcome him back, but in the meantime what have you done to yourself, to Justin? Wouldn't it be better to simply admit how you feel and stop pushing Justin away? To let yourself be happy?"

Brian stated emotionlessly, "He thinks he loves me, but he doesn't."

The ghost quirked an eyebrow and suggested, "Let's put that to the test, shall we?"

Brian again saw a series of images, bits and pieces of scenes.

Michael's birthday party, all of Brian's friends and adopted family walking out on him, while Justin alone remained. Brian sending Justin away because Kip was coming over, Brian being accused of sexual harassment, all of Brian's friends and adopted family feeling sorry for him, but doing nothing, except Mel, who was fruitlessly attempting to use the legal system to aid him, however begrudgingly, while Justin alone managed to entrap and bribe Kip, safeguarding Brian's career.

Then the visions broke off.

Brian exclaimed, "It was Justin?"

The ghost replied sharply, "Who else would it have been? No one else loves you enough to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. No one else loves you unconditionally. He would do nearly anything to make you happy, including reuniting you with Michael, even though it meant losing all the extra attention you lavished on him once you and Michael had parted ways, even though Michael still showed nothing but disdain for him."

Then, out of the blue, Brian snapped defensively, "If he loved me, if he really knew me, he wouldn't need the words."

The ghost replied, "Really?"

Brian sighed. "Here we go again."

For the third time, Brian saw a series of images, bits and pieces of scenes.

Brian telling Justin that he didn't believe in love, Brian calling Justin his stalker, Michael calling him the trick that wouldn't go away, everyone telling Justin, one by one, at different times, that Brian could never or would never change, Lindsay telling Justin that he should expect nothing from Brian lest he be disappointed, Michael chasing Justin out of the diner the morning after zucchini man to demand how he dare be surprised, dare expect more from Brian, Brian telling Justin that he didn't celebrate birthdays and then throwing Michael a huge party, but only getting Justin a hustler for his and, even then, at the last minute. Brian leaving for Chicago abruptly, never telling Justin what was at stake, letting him believe work was simply more important, Brian telling Justin that he could give Justin what he wanted but that he wouldn't, Justin asking Brian if he'd even care if he left and Brian saying nothing.

The ghost stated sharply, "You know better than anyone that if you tell someone something enough times, he will eventually start to believe it. You have given Justin plenty of words, but so few of them positive, truly indicative of your feelings. Even your precious 'actions' have sent him mixed signals, and everyone you care about has told Justin in no uncertain terms that you could never or would never love him. How could he not start to doubt your feelings? Why wouldn't he ask for more proof?"

Suddenly, Justin's voice rang out. "Brian? Is that you? Why are you out here?"

Brian looked around for the ghost, but he had vanished.

Justin asked, "What are you looking for?"

Brian shook his head and replied softly, "Nothing. I…you're early."

Justin looked down. He blushed a little as he confessed, "I was so surprised by your text message. I kept wondering what you wanted to say to me. I was going crazy, so I finally decided just to come over."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and suggested, "Let's go inside. It's a little chilly out here."

Justin smiled at Brian weakly and followed him to the apartment building.


	3. Jacob Taylor

Brian had no idea what he was going to say to Justin. They walked into the loft, and Justin sat on the couch while Brian grabbed a couple of waters. Suddenly, a breeze blew through the loft, though no windows were open. Brian looked around the room uneasily, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Then, he heard the ghost's voice whisper, "Ask Justin about Jacob Taylor." He was actually a little relieved that the ghost had not abandoned him, but, still, he retorted snidely, "So you can become invisible, too. Good for you."

Justin had been watching Brian curiously. Finally, he approached and asked anxiously, "Are you okay, Brian? Have you taken something out of the ordinary?"

Brian chuckled. He replied, "No Sunshine, I'm fine. I was just messing around."

Justin smiled in relief. He said, "That's good. I was really starting to worry."

They went back to the living room. Justin sat on the couch, and Brian sat on the floor facing Justin, a few feet away. Justin was a little disappointed by this seating arrangement, but he said nothing.

Out of the blue, Brian asked, "Justin, have you ever heard of a Jacob Taylor?"

Justin looked at Brian quizzically. He inquired, "Where did you hear that name?"

Brian answered quickly, "Story first, questions later."

Justin said, "Okay. Uh…yeah. My grandmother told me about him when she heard that I'd come out. Apparently, he was gay, too. He's my great-great-great uncle."

Brian asked, trying to appear nonchalant, "Did he have a boyfriend?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah. According to my grandmother, their relationship was turbulent."

Brian was growing increasingly worried...worried that the ghost might be what he seemed…worried that he might know what he was talking about. He inquired a little peevishly, "How the hell does she know?"

Justin was taken aback, but answered, "She found his diary some time ago in an old house that'd been in the family forever."

"So did she tell you about their relationship?"

Justin laughed. "Since when is Brian Kinney interested in the details of anyone's relationship, let alone that of a person who died hundreds of years ago?"

Brian smirked and answered, "Story first, questions later."

Justin laughed and shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, Brian. Well…back then, there were serious consequences when a man was found to be gay. At the very least, he'd lose the respect of everyone he knew, perhaps even being shunned, but he might be burned or tarred and feathered. My great-great-great uncle was a ship's captain, so he was very worried about being discovered, so much so that he would actually sleep with women to prevent rumors. In fact, he did so with such regularity that he had a reputation as a ladies' man. Unfortunately, this was quite upsetting to Jacob's partner, William. He very often became jealous. (with emotion evident in his voice) He wanted Jacob to tell him that he loved him, but Jacob would say that they weren't women and didn't need such emotional declarations."

Brian stiffened.

Justin continued, "When William became jealous, Jacob would tell him that he was acting ridiculous, reminding him that he wasn't even attracted to women. William would often say that Jacob didn't need to bed so many women to throw off suspicion, but Jacob continued to do so. One night, William saw Jacob at a tavern with a woman, flirting quite a bit, so he started talking to a man that Jacob suspected was gay. In retaliation, Jacob brought the woman to their place and fucked her in their bed. That was the limit for William. After the woman departed, William asked Jacob whether he loved him, to tell him so if he did. Jacob said nothing and then watched as William packed and left."

Brian had been feeling greater and greater agitation as the parallels between he and Justin's relationship and Jacob and William's relationship increased. He interrupted Justin and asked anxiously, so anxiously that Justin was taken aback, "But they got back together, didn't they?"

After his shock diminished, Justin replied slowly, "Yes…but before they reunited, William took up with that man from the tavern. They were together a few months. Jacob didn't do anything to win William back. He just watched as William and the other man lived quite happily together (or so Jacob thought). He suffered but never let on, then or after it was over. When William realized he'd made a mistake, that he didn't love that other man, he just moved back in with Jacob. They never really talked about it, and I guess their relationship was never as good as before. They fought more regularly, and William left Jacob a few times after the first."

Brian was afraid to ask, but he had to know. "How did it end?"

Justin looked down, a tear rolling down his cheek, and replied a little huskily, "William died of tuberculosis. Jacob took great care of him, but, without antibiotics, which wouldn't be discovered in the West until the 20th century, there was no way he could have survived. Jacob watched him waste away and die, regretting that he'd been ruled by fear and stubborn pride, regretting that it took a life-threatening illness for him to tell William how he felt."

Brian blinked a few times, cleared his throat, and then asked, his own voice husky with emotion, "What happened to Jacob after?"

Justin sniffled and replied, "Well, his diary ends with William's death, but a family member added another entry some time after Jacob's. According to that family member, the Revolutionary War was in full swing by the time William died, so Jacob went on every suicide mission he was qualified for, until, mercifully, some British soldier killed him."

Brian's eyes lost focus. He nodded slowly and said, "Of course."


	4. Secrets Revealed

Unexpectedly, Brian looked up and fixed Justin with an intense gaze. He asked, "Do you love him?"

Justin, exceedingly uncomfortable and surprised, replied, "What?"

Brian responded firmly, "The fiddler. Do you love him?"

Justin turned three shades of red and looked down. He stammered, "I…Why are you asking?"

Brian didn't move an inch or look away. He simply repeated, "Do you love him, Justin? The question shouldn't be difficult to answer. Especially with you being you. You either love him or you don't."

Justin stood up quickly and walked to the kitchen. His back turned away from Brian, he snapped, "You know God damned well that I don't!"

Suddenly, Brian could feel a presence near him. A chill. The ghost whispered, a little angrily, "You're stalling. Stop torturing the boy and tell him how you feel. If you don't, someone will be fucking him tonight, but it won't be you, and you may never reunite. Of all the people on this earth, he's the only one you can trust with anything, with everything. Holding back now is just plain stupid!" The ghost entered Brian's body, showing him the scene where Justin was fucking Sean. Brian saw himself standing there watching in agony. Then, the ghost moved away.

Angry at the ghost for making him feel vulnerable and scared and angry at himself for even mentioning the fiddler, Brian clenched his fists and cursed, "Fuck! That's not why I asked you to come."

Justin wheeled around but then hesitated. All his anger disappeared when he saw Brian. He looked so small all of a sudden. Justin asked softly, "Then why? I certainly didn't expect you to ask about my great-great-great uncle or to ask whether I love Ethan."

Brian stood up and approached Justin. Then, he took the boy's hand. He sat on the couch and pulled Justin down next to him.

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and then said, his voice low, "I'm working up to it. Can you bear with me for a few minutes?"

Justin had felt a surge of electricity the moment Brian touched him, and Brian declaring that he was working up to saying something sent a chill down his spine. Then, even the air seemed to grow cold. He looked over at Brian, and, suddenly, bits and pieces of scenes flashed before his eyes, only he saw them as though he were a third party, as though he wasn't participating: Brian whispering "I love you" their first night together, Justin finding the bloody scarf around Brian's neck the night they made love for the first time after the bashing, Brian waiting for Justin to walk to him on Liberty Avenue, his arms outstretched. A small spark in his eyes, he wondered, "Dare I hope?" In a whisper so low Justin wasn't even sure he'd heard it, the ghost urged, "Yes. Dare to hope. The man clearly loves you."

Justin's eyes widened, and he looked around uneasily, searching for, but somehow knowing he would not, find the source. He wondered if those words had even been uttered. Maybe it was just an inner voice.

Then, scenes he couldn't remember ever seeing before flashed before his eyes: Brian walking into the hotel ballroom where Justin's prom was held, Brian and Justin dancing together in front of Justin's entire class, Brian gently touching the glass between the hall and Justin's hospital room as Brian gazed at Justin's comatose form.

Justin's eyes widened even more. He asked urgently, "Brian, did you come to the hospital to see me when I was in the coma? At night?"

Brian looked shocked. He even paled. He replied, "How did you know about that?"

Justin exclaimed, "It's true?"

Brian looked down, but nodded. In a whisper, he said, "Every night."

Justin shook his head. "But why? Why would you do that if you don't love me?"

Before he thought about it, Brian retorted, "I never said I didn't!" When he realized what he'd said, he closed his eyes and sighed.

Justin just gaped at the man.

Brian opened his eyes and, in an effort to change the subject, asked accusingly, "Why didn't you ever tell me that you bribed Kip?"

Justin looked as though he'd been struck. It was his turn to grow pale. He stuttered, "How, how, did you know about that?"

Brian replied, "Answer the question. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Justin looked down and shook his head. He stammered, "I…I didn't want you to worry about me, and I was afraid that you'd be unhappy if you knew that I'd helped. I didn't want you to know that I knew you needed help."

In a whisper, Brian exclaimed, "You really do love me, don't you?"

Justin looked up quickly and retorted, "I've loved you since the day we met, and I've told you countless times. How could you think I didn't?"

Brian shook his head, and, his voice lower even than a whisper, he answered, "No one has ever really meant it before."

Without warning, Brian pulled Justin to him, wrapping his arms around the boy. He rubbed his forehead gently against Justin's cheek and then declared softly, "Justin…I…I love you. I love you so fucking much…"

Justin started to tremble and felt as though he might faint.


	5. A Freak Out and an X Rated Call

Justin asked softly, "Brian?"

Brian answered cool as you please, "Yes, Sunshine?"

Incredulously, Justin inquired, "Did you just…?"

Brian replied casually, "What? Tell you that I love you? Yes, yes, I did."

Brian was trying to be light, acting as nonchalantly as possible. He didn't want Justin to know how scared he was, scared that his "I love you" was too little too late or had a much smaller impact than Justin had expected. He didn't want Justin to know how much he needed reassurance. He desperately needed Justin to tell him that he wouldn't be returning to the fiddler, that night or ever. But he couldn't ask; in fact, he couldn't even look at Justin right now because the boy would surely see the vulnerability in his eyes. He thought bitterly, "This is why I have never made such declarations. Opens you up to a world of pain."

Justin pulled back, needing to confirm in the man's eyes what he'd said, but Brian looked down as soon as Justin started to move.

Justin breathed, "Brian, look at me, please."

Brian closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself to appear confident, self-assured. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked up at Justin.

But the moment hazel met crystal blue, all his walls, all his defenses vanished. Justin was shocked to the core by what he read in the man's eyes. Brian couldn't take the tension. He stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter.

Brian, his back turned to the boy, cringed as he suggested nastily, "Isn't it time for you to go back to your boyfriend? Don't forget to pick up roses and chocolate on your way home. Why the hesitation? Oh right, your belongings are still here, aren't they?"

On a self-destructive bent spurred by his insecurity, Brian's outburst picked up speed and veered out of control. Justin watched in horror as Brian started packing his clothes and other sundry belongings. Justin just sat there speechless. Once Brian was finished, he picked up a bottle of scotch and headed to the bedroom. He called out coldly, "Be sure to set the alarm on your way out."

Finally, Justin reacted. He stood up and hissed, "Oh hell fucking no."

Brian turned around slowly, trying to appear as though he had little interest in what the boy had to say.

He asked coolly, "Did I forget something?"

Justin eyes filled with tears as he replied, "Only the most important thing. I love you, too, jackass."

Brian just stood there silently, looking at Justin with his patented blank stare.

Justin made it over to the man in just three steps, knocking the bottle from his hand, grabbing him by the neck, and sending his lips crashing onto the man's. He kissed him passionately, thrusting his tongue into the man's mouth and exploring every inch. Brian couldn't help but respond, wrapping his arms around the boy and kissing him back desperately, running his hands up and down the boy's back as he pulled the boy's body more tightly against his.

Justin pulled back after a few minutes, breathless and flushed, and started pulling the man's clothes off and licking, sucking, and nibbling on every inch of skin he exposed. In between open-mouthed kisses trailing the man's body downward and punctuated by moans, both his and Brian's, he whispered urgently against Brian's skin, "I can't believe how stupid you are. Trying to send me away again. Well, you fucked up, Kinney. If you ever hoped to get rid of me, you should never have said that you love me because now you're stuck with me. Forever." That declaration caused Brian to moan even more loudly, even as he blinked furiously to push back the tears that threatened to fall.

Moments later Justin's hot wet mouth was enveloping his cock. Brian moaned, "Oh fuck, Justin!" and threaded his fingers through blond silky hair. Suddenly, Justin's cell phone started ringing. Without thinking, the boy dug it out of his pocket and answered quickly, "Can't talk now, sucking Brian's cock." Then he dropped it, so eager to continue sucking, licking, and swallowing the man's engorged cock that he neglected to hit the 'end' button. Brian noticed but said nothing and soon forgot about the phone.

On the other end, Ethan turned white and then red as he heard Brian moaning Justin's name over and over. Unfortunately for the fiddler, his phone volume was all the way up and Justin's phone was very sensitive, so he could hear the sounds of Brian's slick cock moving in and out of Justin's mouth and the attendant sucking noises. It was like a car wreck, so horrifying, but, as much torture as it was, he just couldn't end the call. Suddenly, a shout rung out, presumably as Brian came, and Ethan could actually hear Justin swallowing greedily. He felt ill.

Then, Justin moaned, "I love you, Brian, always have, always will."

Brian whispered back, "I love you, too, Sunshine."

Ethan knew then that he'd lost. The last thing he heard before he blacked out was Justin begging Brian to fuck him.


	6. Enter a Second Ghost

The ghost stood by the door watching Brian and Justin making love. He could finally breathe normally. The night's activities had had him so tense. When he'd seen Justin kiss the fiddler desperately, almost in relief, as though he'd spent the evening surrounded by cruel strangers and was finally escaping, which wasn't exactly far from the truth, looking back at Brian sadly but then walking away with such determination, the ghost's chest had constricted and remained so until this very moment. The ghost had watched Brian's heart break and remembered the moment his own had broken so very long ago. A moment later, just as he had done, Brian attempted to act indifferent, though anyone who truly knew him would have noticed the tension, the glazed look of a man who was retreating into himself. Brian had deserved to be left, but, at the same time, he didn't. And Justin may have been perfectly justified in leaving, but his heart was breaking, too. Every step he took away from the man he loved was a step toward greater misery than he'd yet known.

The ghost had been reticent to interfere, but he couldn't stop himself this time, for this would likely be the defining moment of their relationship. He couldn't allow his lover's cousin (four times removed) to suffer the way he had or his great-great-great nephew to suffer the way his lover had. This vicious cycle, the eternal Kinney-Taylor power struggle, with its many reversals, had to end. The ghost was a little nervous about the possible repercussions, not only for himself and his lover but also for Justin and Brian, but he pushed down his worries for the moment. This was a victory, and he'd relish it; the Kinneys and Taylors had so few.

A second ghost came to stand next to the first, asking, "Jacob, what are you still doing here? They've reconciled. Shouldn't you give them some privacy?"

A little gruffly, he retorted, "Hah! If I had ever done that, this reconciliation would have been much more difficult to effect. I can't show them memories I don't have."

The second ghost nodded slowly. "True."

Then, in an awed voice, he added, "You really did a wonderful thing. They are so beautiful together."

Jacob smiled and responded, "They are, aren't they? It's about damn time we…they had some luck. It's about damn time that a Kinney-Taylor union worked in life."

After an intense pause, William whispered, "About damn time…"

Then, William took a deep breath and said much more cheerily, "Who cares how long it took you to admit your feelings? Your acknowledgment at the end, and your sacrifice, is worth every pain life or death has to offer."

Suddenly, Jacob merged with William. He breathed, "It was no sacrifice. I was damn lucky to be given the choice. Now I can spend eternity showing you how very much I love you."

As they faded, William replied softly, tears evident in his voice, "I love you, too; more than I could ever express."


	7. A Little Pre Action Pillow Talk

Justin moaned, "Brian, fuck me. I need you inside me."

Brian was more than happy to comply. In fact, at that moment, he didn't think he'd ever been so eager to fuck anyone, though he'd never admit it. To anyone. He pushed the boy down onto the bed and quickly stripped off all the boy's clothes.

He climbed on top of Justin and maneuvered himself between his legs, kissing the boy passionately as he did so. Justin kissed him back desperately. Suddenly, Brian pulled away.

Justin asked, fear evident in his voice, "Why…why did you stop?"

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. As much as he despised talking about feelings and urgently needed to be inside the boy's tight little ass, it was clear that Justin needed to talk. Brian had tasted the boy's tears and had felt the boy trembling beneath him.

Though he had a good idea what the boy's answer would be, he asked softly, "Sunshine, what's wrong?"

Seeing Justin start to put up walls, he added quickly, "And don't try to deny it. Just tell me so we can deal with it and get back to the fucking."

Justin smiled at that, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

He sighed, looked down, and confessed, "Brian, I…I've loved you since the moment I set eyes on you, and, after that, for the most part, I only craved your complete attention. I don't…I don't know how I got so far off course. Even tonight, though I left with Ethan, what I wanted more than anything was for you to stop me. I can't help but worry that nothing will ever be the same between us (Brian noticed that Justin's eyes were slowly filling with tears). I wish I could undo so many things."

Brian gently brushed the tears off Justin's cheek but drew no more attention to them, not wanting to cause the boy any more embarrassment than he already felt.

Then, he laughed (though his chest ached as he suppressed tears of his own) and shook his head. Lightly, he admitted, "Sunshine, I was right there with you making an ass of myself, only I was much, much worse. You made some less-than-stellar decisions, but I kept things from you and continually pushed you away. I'm just glad you're here with me now."

What he did not say, what he could never admit, was just how glad he was. He could never tell Justin how much pain his 'betrayals,' such as they were, had caused him, how incomplete he'd felt without him that night, albeit only for a few hours, and how terrified he'd been that he'd lost the boy for good.

Brian did, however, hold the boy tighter and whisper, "I love you, Sunshine."

Justin giggled and exclaimed happily, "I still can't believe that you finally admitted how you feel. I don't think I'll ever get sick of hearing you say that you love me. In fact, the words give me a delicious shiver."

Then, more softly, he asked, "Brian…do…do you really forgive me?"

Brian smiled, kissed the boy's lips gently, and replied firmly, "There's nothing to forgive."

Justin's face broke out into a million-watt smile, a smile that warmed Brian's heart, though, again, he'd never ever share that with anyone. The man couldn't help but sigh in contentment as he leaned in and captured the boy's lips in a passionate kiss.


	8. A Little Post Pillow Talk Action

Justin reached up, caressed Brian's cheeks, slid his hands behind Brian's head, and pulled the man closer, deepening their kiss. This was everything. Feeling the warmth and weight of Brian's body against his and Brian's hot wet mouth devouring his own, the words, THE words he'd waited so long to hear still ringing in his ears, gone were the chill, the empty painful feeling in his chest, and the hopelessness and desolation Brian's absence had brought. For a moment, he tried to imagine what he and Brian would have become had they been separated for several months…or for good. He shuddered involuntarily and kissed Brian even more passionately, desperately. Then, he laid open-mouth kisses down Brian's neck, nibbled on his ear, and whispered, "I need you inside me."

Brian whispered back, "I need to taste you first, Sunshine. Roll over."

He slid off the boy, and Justin moved so that he was on his hands and knees.

Brian ran his hands over Justin's ass gently and then spread his cheeks. He licked Justin from his lower back down, all the way down to his entrance. In response, Justin threw back his head and moaned. His breath grew ragged as Brian swirled his tongue around his entrance and then pushed it inside. He pushed his tongue in and out over and over, each time thrusting his tongue further inside. Brian pulled out, sucked on two of his fingers, placed a hand on Justin's lower back, and slid his fingers inside the boy until he reached his prostate. Then, he started to massage it, each caress eliciting a deep moan from Justin.

Finally, Justin couldn't take it anymore. He cried out, "Brian, now, please."

Brian scissored his fingers a few times to open the boy up a bit more before pulling them out. Then, he sheathed his cock, climbed up behind the boy, placed his hands around the boy's waist, and, finally, started pushing himself inside, groaning as he did so. Nothing was better than this. He caressed the boy's skin as he moved inside him, relishing in its softness even as he relished in the tight heat surrounding his cock. Justin's body was quite simply made for him. They fit together so perfectly.

When Brian was halfway inside, Justin grunted. Brian paused, waiting for the boy to start breathing normally again. Then, he slid home, burying himself to the hilt in Justin's sweet ass, letting out a deep groan as did so.

Justin breathed, "Brian, I love you."

Brian responded softly, "I love you, too, Sunshine."

Suddenly, the man needed to be closer, more connected to the boy. He grabbed Justin's shoulders firmly and moved so that his body was covering Justin's. Warmth spread throughout his entire body as their skin made contact. He moaned and started thrusting in and out. Justin met his thrusts, and, together, they set a steady rhythm. At one point, he stopped moving, his cock buried fully in the boy, and nuzzled the boy's neck. He wanted to savor this feeling. Justin's scent filling his nostrils, being connected to Justin in every possible way, feeling so warm, complete.

Unexpectedly remembering the scene earlier at Babylon, watching Justin kiss the fiddler and then leave, got Brian moving again. The helpless hopeless feeling the memory inspired filled him with a cold that only possessing Justin in every possible way could banish. He pushed himself back up, angled his hips so that he'd hit Justin's prostate, and started fucking him hard. Justin, having accustomed himself to the steady pace, gasped the first time Brian hit his prostate. Justin wasn't exactly sure, but he had an idea of what was going on inside Brian's head. When Brian pushed on Justin's shoulders, he immediately knew what the man wanted and why. He laid his arms and part of his chest flat on the bed so that Brian could plunge a little deeper, fill him completely. As the man did so, Justin moaned, "Brian, I'm all yours. Take me."

Justin's words sent a thrill coursing throughout his body, intensifying the pleasure he derived from slamming into the boy, but still, Brian couldn't help but wonder for a split second how many times Justin had allowed the fiddler to do this, and, though he pushed the thought out of his head quickly, he was unable to do so fast enough to prevent an image from forming. The insane jealousy the image caused had him holding Justin's waist more tightly and fucking him harder and harder, faster and faster. Justin moaned loudly and cried out, "Brian, oh Brian, yes, yes, fuck me, fuck me hard," his cry building speed and intensity along with Brian's thrusts.

Brian was happy to oblige. As it was, his entire body was on fire. He groaned as he closed his eyes and arched his back, thrusting harder, gripping Justin tighter.

Justin moaned, "Oh God, oh fuck!"

Feeling the boy tremble with pleasure beneath his hands, Brian realized the boy was close, so he reached down and grabbed his cock, which was hard as a rock and leaking. He squeezed it tight and then started stroking it in time with his thrusts.

Moments later, Justin cried out, "Brian, oh fuck, oh Brian!" as he came in long white spurts. Just then, his ass clamped down on Brian's cock, and Brian could no longer hold back; the tightness and the heat were too much, perfection. He moaned Justin's name and thrust a few more times as his orgasm ripped through him and exploded in a flash of blinding white light. Brian collapsed onto Justin. They were both sweaty and breathing heavy. A couple minutes later, Brian managed to pull himself up, pulled out, and disposed of the condom. Then he let himself fall onto the bed and pulled Justin into his arms.

Exhausted from the emotional highs and lows they'd experienced that night and the intense sex they'd just had, they both quickly fell asleep.


	9. A New Strategy

Justin felt nauseous. Just yesterday, Brian had told him that he loved him, and they'd reunited, but, today, Justin came home to find Brian fucking some guy. Justin thought bitterly, "Brian couldn't even wait a God damned day?"

Jacob was there, but he hadn't intervened. Though it killed him to see the look of pain on his great-great-great nephew's face, a look he'd seen so many times before on William's face, he knew they needed to work this out on their own. As long as they were together, everything would be okay. At least that's what he told himself.

Brian was standing in the living room, and his guest was lying on the dinner table as Brian thrust into him. Before Brian noticed that he was there, Justin decided that this time was going to be different. Not just this moment, but their entire relationship. He was not simply a passenger on the Kinney train. He knew that Brian was doing this on purpose. In part, this was Brian's way of re-establishing boundaries, telling Justin, in no uncertain terms, that Brian would still be tricking, that he had not been completely tamed. But he probably also wanted to hurt him a little. Brian didn't usually throw his tricks in Justin's face like this. He only did so when he wanted to be an ass or when he was sending Justin some message. Well, Justin had his own message to send, namely that Brian was Justin's man and that Justin could please Brian like no one else could.

Justin set his bag down quietly and walked toward Brian and his trick. As he did so, he casually stripped off his clothes. Brian caught sight of him after he'd tossed his shirt on the floor and had started unbuttoning and unzipping his pants. Brian's eyes immediately darkened with desire. Justin held Brian's lusty gaze as he pushed his pants down and stepped out of them. Brian followed Justin with his eyes as Justin came closer, wondering what he was planning. When Justin finally reached Brian's side, he kissed him passionately, almost viciously, biting Brian's lip at the end.

Brian was stunned. Justin never joined in when he was fucking tricks. Not unless they had planned a threesome or something similar. He licked his lips and started thrusting faster. Justin's mere presence was a turn on; the fact that he meant to participate in some way made it doubly so. Justin stood behind Brian and drew his hands tenderly down Brian's back as he kneeled. He squeezed Brian's ass cheeks and spread them apart gently. He ran his tongue down Brian's crack, eliciting a gasp from Brian. Then, he swirled his tongue around Brian's opening and thrust his tongue inside. Brian moaned softly. Justin pushed his tongue in and out for a couple minutes but then pulled out completely.

Justin reached for Brian's jeans, which were lying on the floor, and took out a small packet of lube. He lubed up a couple of fingers and pushed them both inside Brian. He pushed them inside until he hit Brian's prostate. In response, Brian started panting and thrusting inside the trick harder. Justin massaged Brian's prostate and smiled when Brian started moaning loudly. He rammed the trick harder and harder, faster and faster. For the pièce de résistance, Justin caressed Brian's perineum, gently, at first, but then more firmly. Suddenly, Brian shouted, "Fuck, oh fuck, Justin!" and arched his back as he came.

At this point, Justin's face broke out into a million-watt smile. Brian pulled out of the trick, disposed of the condom, tossed the trick's clothes at him, and growled, "Thanks. You can see yourself out."

Then, he crawled onto the floor with Justin, pushed him onto his back, and breathed, "I fucking love you, Sunshine" just before taking Justin's entire length into his mouth. Justin whispered, "I love you, too, Brian," closed his eyes, and moaned as Brian bobbed his head up and down, sliding Justin's cock in and out of his mouth.

Jacob laughed. He was so damned proud. Justin had put aside his hurt and turned Brian's display on its ear, making it yet another example of just how important Justin was to Brian. By the end, Brian was moaning Justin's name and telling him he loved him, after coldly dismissing the trick. Despite Justin's temporary victory over Brian's pride and self-destructive tendencies, Jacob would need to ask William to talk to his cousin. If Brian continued on this path, his reuniting with Justin before Justin had been gone a night and telling the boy he loved him would only serve as a stopgap, their relationship eventually going down in flames anyway.


	10. The Entities

In the darkness, two disembodied voices could be heard, one female and one male.

The female voice declared emotionlessly, "You know the rules. Gifts require a sacrifice, and punishments must be meted out to those impudent enough to act like gods."

The male voice pleaded, "But Jacob didn't know that his actions would have consequences."

Again, the female voice, impassive, as cold as the vacuum of space, declared "Irrelevant. Punish your favorite, or I will."

The male entity sighed, "How long? How long do I have?"

"72 hours."

The air warmed as the female entity vanished, though no mortal witness could have observed a difference.

The male entity had no idea what to do. He'd taken a fancy to mortal Jacob hundreds of years ago as he watched him throwing himself recklessly into every dangerous situation that presented itself. Each time he walked away unharmed, he'd lock himself in the house he had once shared with William and cry bitter tears, promising William that he'd join him soon, begging the empty air for release. As much as the entity wished to prolong Jacob's life, and more, to keep he and William separated, his compassion eventually overcame his jealousy and desire. He gave the man everything he wanted. He guided the British soldier's hand, allowing him to send a bullet straight through Jacob's heart. This entity had a flare for the dramatic. He thought it a quite fitting death for a man with a broken heart, and the fact that this death was meted out by the entity who cherished him, who wished to possess him as his own, seemed even more fitting. He felt as though the bullet were burning through his own heart, well, what he imagined he would have felt if he actually possessed one.

Once the entity had extinguished Jacob's life force, he pulled William's soul out of the void and reunited the couple (well, their souls) on Earth. He promised Jacob 1000 years with William, but, of course, there had been a price. Jacob would never be allowed to reincarnate. The entity hoped…he wasn't even sure for what…but he often whispered to himself…"in 1000 years"…or, these days, he'd whisper, "in 776 years."

In 776 years, maybe the entity would achieve his heart's desire.

The male entity could simply revoke the gift, while still exacting the price. But that would be a last resort. He wished he could make William take Jacob's punishment, revoking his ability to reincarnate, but William had had nothing to do with Jacob's actions. No. Jacob alone must bear the forfeit. There were countless crueler punishments the entity could choose, but, of course, he hadn't the heart.

Suddenly, another female voice could be heard, but hers was warm and almost musical. "If you love him, if you truly love him, you could make the ultimate sacrifice."

"Kaila. The ultimate sacrifice? What's that?"

"You've never been told?"

"No."

Kaila sighed. "Too much knowledge is kept secret, available only to the determined…you could bear the forfeit for Jacob."

Confused, the male entity asked, "But what of the balance?"

"Simple. Jacob would take your place. If your love is true, you'll do it. You'd be giving him everything…the remaining 776 years with William and the ability to find and protect William after he reincarnates. Of course, you'd never be able to sate your own desire, but, if your love is true, that's neither here nor there."

The male entity breathed, "You really are a romantic, Kaila."

"Do you love him, Evan? Truly?"

In a whisper, he replied, "I do."

Sadly, the female voice stated, "I'm really going to miss you…"

The male voice laughed. He asked, "What makes you so sure I'll do it?"

Softly, she replied, "Because you're you."

*******

William was planning to speak with Brian. He was, after all, his cousin. Maybe he could talk some sense into the man. Suddenly, the air around him seemed to grow warmer, and he could hear a beautiful female voice in his head. "Don't."

William looked all around but couldn't locate the source. He said to the empty air, "I don't understand."

He could hear an almost musical laugh. The female voice stated, "Well, my kind aren't generally forthright, and we have little time. So I won't go into great detail, but I will say this. You can _never_, _ever_, speak to Brian or any other mortal."

William, puzzled, asked, "Why not?"

The female replied softly, "If you love Jacob, you mustn't. That's all I can say. Be well."

Then the air seemed to grow colder, just as it had grown warmer but a few moments before.

Somehow William knew the owner of the voice had gone.

Curious.


	11. Kaila Takes Charge

_**Just a reminder: Jacob Taylor and William Kinney are two ghosts, distant relatives of Justin and Brian, and Evan and Kaila are two deities, also called entities.**_

Kaila was curious. In fact, curiosity was the quality that best defined her personality. Thus, she had wondered who the people causing so much trouble of late were, these people who inspired such immense concern and devotion. Evan was planning to sacrifice himself for Jacob Taylor, the soul of a mere mortal, who had forfeited his chance at reincarnation to spend more time with William Kinney, who had been his lover on Earth. Jacob had also helped Justin Taylor and Brian Kinney, distant relatives of him and his lover, mend their relationship, even though he suspected that such audacity would earn him a terrible punishment. William would have done the same had Kaila herself not stopped him. So she spent time observing both the ghosts and the mortals.

Kaila was shocked to discover just how fascinating these Kinneys and Taylors were, how easily one could be drawn into their endeavors, hopes, dreams, and relationships. In just 24 hours, she had become invested in their futures.

Kaila was particularly drawn to Justin. He reminded her of a man she'd known as a mortal, her best friend, James. She remembered him well, although that had been nearly 2000 years ago and she had not thought of him since she died. At the time of her ascension (to the status of deity), she had not known that she could track mortals through their various incarnations, so she had not kept an eye on James.

However, she now knew she had this ability, so she traced Justin's previous lives. When she did so, she made a startling discovery: Justin was James's fifth incarnation. If she had been interested in Justin before, she was doubly so now.

Then, she traced Brian's past lives back to James's lifetime and learned that, at that time, Brian was Aidan Kinney, James's lover. Intrigued, she matched up all their incarnations. Brian and Justin had been lovers in every life since humans (homo sapiens) walked the earth. Every 400 years, they somehow made their way back to one another. And every time, their relationship ended in sorrow. No matter how close they became, how deeply they loved one another, one of the two always refused to surrender completely to the other. Pride and fear were generally the culprits.

Kaila sighed. If Brian and Justin were to have a happy ending in this lifetime, they would need to break a 200,000-year-old pattern. How could they achieve what they had failed to attain in each of their 499 previous incarnations? It was unlikely that they would succeed without help.

Jacob Taylor could not possibly have seen this larger pattern, but he had undoubtedly seen many other Taylor-Kinney pairings fail in the 200 years he'd been a ghost. That explained his desperate act. He had done well, but, after only 24 hours of observation, Kaila noted that Brian and Justin were already falling back into their old pattern. Clearly, more drastic measures were needed, measures that were not currently within Jacob's power.

Kaila smiled. She had desperately wished that James would find happiness. She couldn't help him 2000 years ago, but she could help him now. In the years since her ascension, she had discovered many hidden powers, so she had quite a few options. Which should she choose? She initially thought of switching their bodies for a time. But eventually, she decided that that was too strange.

After a great deal of contemplation, she finally settled on what she thought was the perfect solution. She would grant them access to their lovers' unspoken thoughts and unexpressed feelings. That is, whenever they engaged in an activity to which their lover would have an emotional reaction were he present, they would experience not only their own thoughts and feelings but also those of their lover. These would manifest themselves in the form of a second inner voice and a newfound sense of empathy. Kaila was so excited by the prospect that she actually giggled.


	12. A Little Birdy Told Me

Brian observed Justin closely as he entered the loft. Brian had been working at home, so he heard footsteps outside the door, heralding Justin's arrival. He was the only person who came to the loft who didn't use the elevator. He wondered why. Suddenly, a small voice inside Brian, one that sounded exactly like Justin's, said, "It's just one of the many small ways I keep myself thin for you, Brian. I always take the stairs, everywhere I go. That's also why I walk from the loft to the diner, Daphne's apartment, and school, even in the bitter cold. I take the bus on very long journeys, but I walk to and from the bus stop." Brian wondered whether what the inner voice had said were true. A very small part of him wished it were. He couldn't help but think that that behavior was sweet.

Justin slid the door open slowly and peeked his head in, looking around nervously. Brian chuckled and thought, "What the hell is that all about?" The strange new inner voice actually responded to his question: "I'm afraid that you brought someone back to the loft to fuck." Suddenly, Brian was overwhelmed by a feeling of desolation. A feeling that shook him to the core. The inner voice continued, "Just once, I'd like to come home without worrying that you're fucking someone in our home, in our bed. Of course, neither the bed nor the loft are really mine. I know that we will probably never share a home we chose and decorated together or a bed in which we have fucked only each other. That's too much to hope for. But that would be nice. To be able to give my address without some guy smiling at me smugly, remembering the night my boyfriend fucked him there, in the bed I sleep in every night." Brian's eyes widened. Justin didn't really have such thoughts, did he?

When Justin saw Brian sitting at his desk, alone, he walked in and smiled. He walked over to Brian and kissed him deeply, a long lingering kiss. Brian returned the kiss with equal vigor, but stiffened when that annoying inner voice breathed, "At least now, in this moment, you really are mine." Brian broke the kiss abruptly. Justin was dazed for a second, still lost in the passion of their kiss, but then looked at Brian in confusion. He asked, "Is something wrong?"

Brian replied quickly, his voice even, "Of course not, Sunshine. I just had an overwhelming urge to purchase a new bed." Brian knew that he'd go crazy if he didn't do something to quiet the inner voice or, at the very least, to change its tune. He probably wouldn't mind hearing happy thoughts.

Justin's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

Suddenly, a small voice inside Justin, one that sounded exactly like Brian's, declared, "I love making you smile. I can't help but be happy when you do." This caused his eyes to widen even more. Where had the voice come from? Was what it said true? He hoped so. The very thought sent a ripple of pleasure throughout his body.

Brian asked nonchalantly, "Do you have time to go shopping with me?"

Justin smiled brightly. "Yes! Absolutely!"

Brian couldn't help but smile back. Sometimes Justin was so easy to please.


	13. Friction

Brian had told Justin to go back to the loft and wait for the bed to be delivered, stating that he had something to do. Justin had not wanted Brian to go. He'd asked with a sultry voice and a seductive smile, "Don't you want to break it in?"

Brian hadn't even answered. He'd simply said, "Later" and left. He needed to fuck away his sudden bout of domesticity.

Now he was in the backroom of Babylon, leaning against the wall as a muscled brunet sucked his cock.

Inner Justin, as Brian had come to call the new inner voice, stated despondently, "You so often choose tall, built brunets with great tans. That seems to be your ideal. Why are you even attracted to me? I'm nothing like your tricks. Is that why you trick so frequently? To make up for what I lack? What does he have that's so great?"

Brian retorted, "A mouth. That's all he needs."

The tricked looked up at Brian strangely.

Brian snapped, "I wasn't talking to you. Just keep sucking."

The trick did just that.

Inner Justin snarked, "He may have a mouth, but not much of one. I may just be a brain damaged kid, a naïve twink, an artist who can no longer draw, but at least I can fit your entire cock in my mouth."

Brian yelled, "Enough already!"

The trick stopped sucking Brian's cock and looked up in surprise.

Brian snapped in annoyance, "Yeah, you, too! Maybe attempting to please men my size is a little ambitious. You should stick to cocks you can swallow!"

Brian pushed the trick away and left. When he wondered whether Justin really saw himself the way inner Justin did, he became even angrier. Surely Justin knew that Brian didn't trick because he was in any way deficient. Right? Suddenly, Brian had an overwhelming urge to see the twat, though he told himself it was only because he gave much, much better head than any trick could.

When he arrived home, he looked around the loft. The lights were on but Justin was nowhere to be seen. Brian walked through the bedroom, noted with satisfaction that the new bed had arrived and had been assembled, and then peeked into the bathroom.

Justin was sitting on the bathroom floor naked. He looked dazed.

Brian approached Justin and crouched down. "Sunshine? What's wrong?"

Justin looked up in surprise. "Oh hi, Brian," he replied brightly.

Brian observed Justin suspiciously. Something was definitely wrong despite his seemingly cheery mood.

Justin said, "I need to take a shower."

Brian stood up and moved to let him pass, but then grabbed his shoulder when he saw two huge bruises on his back.

Brian exclaimed, "What the fuck happened to you?"

Justin looked over his shoulder, saw the bruises in the mirror (for the first time), and sighed. He turned to face Brian and responded in as light a tone as he could manage, "I was going to fuck one of the movers, but then I changed my mind. He was a little pissed, so he pushed me a couple of times."

In Brian's head, he heard inner Justin whisper, "I was so angry that you left to fuck someone else that I was going to let one of the movers fuck me. But as soon as I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance, I realized that I couldn't do it. I turned around and pushed him away."

Brian asked softly, "Did he…did he…?"

Justin was confused. "Did he what?"

Brian just stared at Justin. Suddenly, Justin realized what Brian was asking. He replied angrily, "No, he didn't rape me! Why would he? _I_ was going to fuck _him_. Not the other way around."

Brian quirked an eyebrow.

Justin sighed. Brian could always see right through him. "Fine. I was going to let him fuck me."

Brian asked evenly, "Why did you change your mind?"

Justin didn't answer. Instead, he walked into the bedroom and started dressing. However, inner Justin said, "Because I've never let anyone fuck me but you."

Brian's eyes widened in shock. He'd just assumed that Justin had let the fiddler fuck him.

Brian followed Justin and asked, "You never let the fiddler fuck you?"

Astonished, Justin looked up. His face was drained of all color, and he seemed almost afraid. Without thinking, he replied, "How did you know?" The second the question left his lips, he inwardly kicked himself.

Brian's eyes widened. "It's true?"

Justin didn't answer. He just looked down at the floor.

Brian asked softly, "Have you ever let anyone other than me fuck you?"

Justin sighed and met Brian's eyes. In a whisper, he replied, "No."

This admission rendered Brian paralyzed and speechless. He just stood there staring at Justin.


	14. Four Voices

Eventually, Brian responded to the revelation that Justin had never let anyone else fuck him the way that he usually responded when Justin made himself vulnerable to Brian, that is, with sex. He pulled Justin into his arms roughly and sent his lips crashing down onto Justin's, kissing him passionately, even desperately. Justin kissed him back at first, with equal fire, but, then, unexpectedly, he broke their kiss and pushed Brian away.

Justin had the urge to flee, like the loft was the scene of a crime.

Inner Justin snapped, "I hate how vulnerable I feel! I hate that you never give as much as you take!"

Justin finished dressing quickly and turned to leave. Brian watched him walk out of the bedroom and all the way to the loft door. The whole time he debated with himself. He didn't want Justin to leave, but he was not the kind of person who went after others. He'd never done it. Even asking where Justin was going would be too clingy for Brian's taste.

Inner Justin asked Brian, "Why can't you say it out loud? What is so wrong with wanting the man you love to stay?"

When Justin finally reached the door, that strange new inner voice that sounded like Brian spoke again, whispering, "Don't leave." Justin turned around and looked at Brian. He'd apparently been watching him. He had an intense expression in his eyes that closely resembled agony.

Justin asked hesitantly, "Do you want me to stay?"

Brian said nothing, and Justin was kicking himself for stupidly hoping that Brian might be straight with him, when inner Brian, as Justin had suddenly decided to call this voice, replied softly, "Yes, more than anything."

Justin's eyes widened.

When Brian finally spoke, he said, nonchalantly, "I went to Babylon to get my dick sucked, but the trick couldn't even get my entire cock in his mouth. I left without finishing, so I could ask someone with superior cock-sucking skills to get me off."

Justin stared at Brian for a moment but then burst out laughing. He smiled brightly as he inquired, "And who would that person be?"

Inner Brian informed Justin, "I'm so happy that you smiled. That you haven't left."

Brian smirked. Then he drawled, "I'm going to take a shower. Maybe he'll just show up."

A few minutes later, when Brian felt Justin's mouth on his cock, he stated softly, "I love you, Justin."

Justin replied, "I love you, too, Brian" and then took Brian's entire length into his hot wet mouth.

Brian moaned softly, "Fuck yeah…"


	15. Be Careful What You Wish For

Justin had left while it was still dark to work an early shift at the diner. Oddly, Brian awoke when Justin rose and had been tossing and turning since. Thus, he soon found himself engaging in an unprecedented activity, that is to say, entering the diner at the crack of dawn. Brian was surprised to discover that the diner was hopping. Half the patrons were still awake from the night before, gabbing away about who'd been out at the clubs and the after parties they'd come from. The rest seemed to be half-asleep, drinking their coffee and eating their breakfasts mechanically. Brian smiled when his eyes lighted on Justin. He was carrying five plates with ease, weaving skillfully around patrons who were milling about. When Justin stopped at a table and started distributing the plates, one of the customers grabbed his ass.

Inner Brian growled, "Mine!" with such ferocity that Justin jumped (nearly a foot). He looked back toward the door, smiling brightly when he saw Brian. Brian was standing there, his face wearing a look of amusement, though his eyes were cold and dark. Justin quickly excused himself and approached Brian, who had moved to sit at the counter.

Incredulously, Justin asked, "What are you doing here so early? Scratch that. What are you doing _out of bed_ so early?"

Brian cleared his throat and looked down. Then he replied, "A high-profile client asked for an early meeting."

Justin continued to fix Brian with an incredulous gaze, not even blinking. After an extremely long pause, Justin inquired slowly, "At seven in the morning?"

Brian cleared his throat again. "He's still on London time."

Justin nodded slowly. He didn't believe Brian, not for a second, but he decided to let the matter drop. He knew he'd never get Brian to admit his true motivation. Instead, he poured Brian a cup of coffee. Just as he was setting it down, a party was leaving. One member had been shamelessly flirting with Justin for their entire visit. In fact, he came in regularly to do just that. Debbie had even told Justin that the man had asked for Justin's schedule. Justin had no interest, but sometimes he flirted back anyway. The customer was, after all, an excellent tipper. He smiled at the departing man and even winked. A second later, Justin heard a low growl resounding in his head. Justin looked at Brian. Brian was watching Justin with what appeared to be an impassive expression. Then, as he lifted his coffee cup to his lips, he said, "You should fuck him. Looks like he'd be up for nearly anything as long as it involved you."

Justin was suddenly, and a little unreasonably, pissed. He muttered, "Maybe I will" and actually ran after the man, who stopped the moment he saw Justin approaching. Justin scribbled something on an empty check and handed it to him. Then he smiled brightly and singsonged, "Call me!"

The magnitude of the man's smile rivaled that of one of Justin's brightest. He replied softly, "I will" and exited the diner in a daze.

Then Justin shot Brian a dirty look and went to clean their table.

Meanwhile, inner Justin wondered, "Should I have gone back to Brian? Will our relationship ever change? Is it so wrong to want a boyfriend who only wants me? I don't know why I bother holding anything sacred when it comes to us. I keep trying to make us into something we aren't. Something we'll never be. Maybe I should just let other men fuck me. At least then we'd be on even footing. I mean there's nothing Brian hasn't done, nothing that he's only done with me."

Brian jumped off his stool and grabbed Justin by the arm, pulling him into the bathroom. Once he was sure it was empty, he locked the door and turned to face a very startled, very pissed off Justin.

"What the fuck, Brian?"

Brian snapped, "That's just what I wanted to ask you."

Justin was taken aback. "What?"

"What the fuck do you mean there's nothing I've only done with you?"

Justin's eyes were as wide as saucers now. Had he spoken those words aloud? Or was Brian suddenly a mind reader?

"Two days ago, I told you that I love you. How many people that I've fucked do you suppose I've said those words to?"

Before Justin could respond, Brian answered curtly, "Exactly one. You. And how many men that I've fucked have I lived with? Or eaten a home-cooked meal they'd prepared? Or gone to their prom? Or waltzed with? And no. You weren't my first fuck. But that hardly makes me everyone else's bottom boy. Before I met you, I'd been fucked exactly once."

"What?"

"Yes. My gym teacher. The one I was so enamored with…I let him fuck me. Once. He never spoke to me again. I decided then and there that I would bottom for no man. Never again. That I would never become emotionally involved with anyone I was fucking. Never again. You've made me break almost every one of my rules. You have no fucking right to say anything. No fucking right."

Brian shook his head and turned to leave.

Justin ran toward him, crying, "Brian…wait…"

Suddenly, Brian turned around and grabbed Justin, pushing him back until he was pinned against the far wall. Brian growled, "You say you want all of me, but are you sure you're prepared for that?"

Justin was a little scared, but he nodded. He felt sure he could meet all of Brian's needs, sexual and otherwise, if given the chance.

"I have some pretty fucked up fantasies. You think you know me, but you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. I am much more twisted than you could ever imagine."

"I love you, Brian. Nothing could change that. Nothing could make me want you less. Nothing."

Brian smirked. "I guess we'll just have to put that to the test."

Justin smiled a little shyly. If he wasn't mistaken, Brian had just agreed to give monogamy a try. He asked tentatively, "You mean…"

"Yes, Sunshine. I'm yours. All yours. I won't touch anyone else or let anyone else touch me, provided you agree to the same."

Justin nodded excitedly.

Brian chuckled. "We'll see how excited you are in a month. You might beg me to start tricking again."

Justin rolled his eyes. As if that would ever happen. Still Brian's words were ominous, and the look in his eyes, a little frightening. Was it all bluster? He shook his head and dismissed his nagging doubts for the moment. Whatever the context, Justin had finally gotten his wish, what he'd wanted desperately for two years. He wasn't going to let anything ruin it. Brian was finally his. All his.


	16. Beginnings and Endings

William and Jacob were watching Brian and Justin. Brian had just agreed to try monogamy. William couldn't help but cheer and embrace Jacob.

Jacob chuckled. "Whatever you said to your cousin must have had an impact."

"I didn't speak to him. Actually, I meant to tell you about that…"

Concerned, Jacob turned to face his lover. "What?"

"I was about to appear before Brian when I heard a female voice inside my head. She warned me not to speak with Brian or any other mortal."

Jacob grew cold. "Did the voice give you a reason?"

William shook his head. "Not really. She stated simply, 'If you love Jacob, you mustn't.' Kind of ominous."

Jacob's eyes widened, and he shivered. But he soon recovered. As nonchalantly as he could manage, he commented, "Weird."

"Yeah. Do you have any idea what she meant?"

"No."

Jacob knew that he should share his fears with William. After all, his reckless behavior might have angered the Gods. Might lead to their separation, a permanent separation. But he just couldn't bring himself to say the words out loud. Somehow that would make his fear more real.

Jacob had never feared anything until William contracted tuberculosis. Since then, William had been the source of the greatest fear and the most incapacitating weakness in him. With William by his side, he was strong, even invulnerable, or so he felt, but, without him, he was nothing. Without him, existence had no meaning. Jacob knew this for a fact. After William had died, Jacob had hated and resented everyone and everything. Every smile, every beautiful day, was a slap in the face, a mockery of his pain. How dare anyone smile, when Jacob was deprived of the source of all his joy? How dare the sun shine or the birds sing, when the most beautiful part of the world had departed it?

The air above William and Jacob suddenly grew cold, but they were oblivious to the change, Jacob lost in thought and William happily observing Brian and Justin.

In the darkness, a stern female voice sounded, "It's time. Punish your favorite, or I will."

Evan took one last longing look at Jacob, and then, his resolve strengthened, he declared firmly, "I will bear the forfeit for him."

The female entity's wooden voice faltered. For the first time in millennia, she was surprised (and disgusted). She hissed, "For a mortal?"

Evan stated resolutely, "Yes."

By now the entity had returned to her usual indifference. She droned, "As you wish."

A low murmuring could be heard in the distance, and a bright aura enveloped Jacob, flashed brilliantly, but then disappeared. The murmuring faded into silence.

Coldly, the female entity stated, "It is done. Evan, you are no more." Then she departed, leaving warm air in her wake.

Kaila watched from a distance. For a moment, she could actually see Evan. She noted how handsome he was: tall and thin with sandy brown hair and kind eyes. Almost as soon as the image appeared, it began to fade.

Kaila whispered, "Fare thee well, old friend."

Evan uttered one last word before disappearing completely. He breathed, "Jacob."


	17. Godhood

Jacob disappeared with the aura. William, who'd seen him vanish from the corner of his eye, turned toward the place Jacob had formerly been standing and, not seeing him, started looking around frantically. Then he called out, "Jacob?"

Jacob chuckled. He replied, "You're looking right at me. What kind of game is this?"

William's eyes widened. He exclaimed helplessly, "I can't see you."

Alarmed, Jacob asked, "What?"

"Apparently, you're now invisible."

Suddenly, a warm musical voice rung out. "Do not be afraid."

William whispered, "That's the voice that warned me not to speak to Brian!"

Kaila agreed, "You are correct, William."

Jacob inquired anxiously, "Who are you? Do you know why I'm suddenly invisible?"

"My name is Kaila, and yes, I do."

Annoyed, Jacob snapped, "Care to share that information with the rest of the class?"

Kaila laughed. "You are a feisty one. It's no wonder that Evan…"

She stopped abruptly and sighed.

A few moments later, she continued more somberly, "You have become something else. You are no longer a wandering soul, but a God."

William and Jacob exclaimed, simultaneously, "A God?"

Kaila chuckled. She responded firmly, "Yes."

Jacob sputtered, "How? Why?"

Kaila took a deep breath. After taking a moment to ponder how she should proceed, she answered, "Inddhe, the Goddess of war and the military arts, as well as the meter out of punishments, approached Evan, another God, and informed him that you needed to be punished for your insolence."

William inquired woefully, "For speaking to Brian?"

Kaila replied solemnly, "Yes."

Jacob interjected, "Becoming a God hardly seems like a punishment!"

"It's not. You see, that other God, Evan, he…"

Kaila had no idea what to say. How could she explain Evan's feelings, his great sacrifice? She sighed deeply.

"Evan took an interest in you while you lived…"

Kaila had a "Eureka" moment. Suddenly she knew exactly what to say.

More confidently, she stated, "Much like you took an interest in Brian and Justin."

William nodded slowly.

Kaila continued, "After William died, Evan saw that you were in deep mourning, that you wished to follow William into the void. That's what the ancient Greeks referred to as the underworld."

She paused. She decided against telling Jacob that, before offering him release, Evan had prolonged his suffering, albeit out of love.

"Evan gave you the release you so eagerly sought."

William's eyes widened.

"He also…how would people say it these days, mmm…brokered the deal whereby you would get to spend 1000 years with William on Earth."

In a solemn voice, Jacob said, "I owe him a great debt."

Sadly, Kaila revealed, "Unfortunately, you will never be able to repay that debt."

Confused, Jacob asked, "Why not?"

She started to reply, "Evan…"

William interrupted, though very softly, "He paid the price, didn't he? Took Jacob's punishment?"

"Yes. He was stripped of his Godhood and banished to the deepest recesses of the void."

Jacob was dumbfounded. After a few long moments, he finally managed a helpless "Why?"

Feebly, she responded, "He knew that you were unaware of the consequences of your actions…"

Astonished, Jacob protested, "But to pay such a high price…"

William suddenly understood everything. The God had done what William would have done to save Jacob, had he been able. In almost a whisper, he declared, "He loved you."

"What?"

"He must have. What other explanation is there?"

Jacob asked, "Is this true?"

"Yes."

Still trying to understand, Jacob said, "So…"

"You took his place. We have to maintain the balance."

"The balance?"

"The balance between male and female and good and evil. There are Gods and Goddesses, some good, some neutral, some evil, some higher and some lower. Evan was and you and I are lesser deities."

William inquired carefully, "What does that mean exactly?"

"Lesser deities are imbued with the same basic abilities that all the higher deities possess, but those abilities are weaker, and lesser deities may have others they are unaware of. They also lack knowledge and experience. So you must test your basic abilities and discover others, that is, your special abilities, grown out of qualities you possessed in life. You must also acquire knowledge, experience, and, most importantly, followers. Very few mortals know the names of the Gods and Goddesses, for our names matter little. But if a person comes to know "God" through you, worships you, and seeks your guidance and protection in times of trouble, that person is counted as one of your followers. All these things give you greater power. If you accumulate enough, you might one day become a higher deity. But it's a God-eat-God cosmos. The higher deities rarely help the lessers, and they, well, most, covet others' power and are stingy with their own. But they are like this for a reason. If they do not maintain their power, they are either demoted back to lesser deities or part of their dominion is taken from them."

"How do you even become a lesser deity?"

"When Elesne, Queen of the Gods and Goddess of the sea, the moon, dreams, philosophy, creativity, psychotropic drugs, madness, love, and passion, senses potential in a dying mortal, she grants him or her Godhood. You were not chosen by her, but when Evan told Inddhe that he wanted to bear the forfeit in your stead, Inddhe certainly communicated that to Elesne, assuming Elesne didn't already know, which she probably did, for she sees much, perhaps all. Elesne must have agreed. If not, you would not still be here."

Jacob asked hesitantly, "So…in order for me to gain dominion over something, as Elesne and Inddhe have, I must become a higher deity?"

"Yes."

"I know you told me that I need to accumulate power first, but supposing I do, what then?"

"Elesne observes the lesser deities closely. When a lesser gains power comparable to that of the higher deities, she gives that deity some of her own and, based on that deity's special abilities, dominion over part of the cosmos. A deity with dominion draws additional power from the energy of whatever it is he or she has dominion over. For example, Inddhe, goddess of war and the military arts, grows in strength when she is able to incite wars and other armed conflicts. Hence, her name, Inddhe, means "to burst into flames."

A question had been burning in William's mind for some time. Finally, he mustered the courage to ask, "Speaking of Inddhe, who was it that sent her? Was it Elesne?"

Kaila replied quickly, "Oh no! No. No. Elesne is the epitome of understanding, kindness, and generosity. The most good of the good deities. She would have forgiven Jacob. It was Hakam, the lawbringer, God of reason, mathematics, political science, the law, and education. He is neutral, not evil, but he is cold. For him, rules are rules, and any infraction must be punished, though, of course, Elesne can intervene."

Jacob demanded hotly, "Then why didn't she?"

Kaila sighed softly. "Everyone, be they mortal or God, must be true to their nature. Elesne, being the Goddess of love, must have been deeply moved by Evan's sacrifice. But as such, she knows that true love, that is, unconditional love, love that makes you want to give your beloved everything, is a blessing, even when it causes you pain. Evan would not have thanked her for sparing him."


	18. Justin's Poor Aching Ass

Justin was "hiding out" at Daphne's apartment. He was lying on her bed (on his stomach).

He moaned, "I thought that Brian and I used to have a lot of sex before. But in just the first two days, we've fucked 20 times. Is he just trying to make a point? Or is this really normal for him?"

Daphne giggled. "Is the sex still good?"

Justin smiled into Daphne's pillow and blushed. "Yeah. That's what's so amazing. The increased quantity has in no way diminished the quality. How can he stay so motivated?"

Justin fell silent for a moment, his eyes losing focus. Then he whispered, to no one in particular, "For the first time, I am truly beginning to understand how much of Brian's identity is defined by sex."

Daphne sat next to Justin on the bed, pushing him over. Unfortunately, his ass was still incredibly sore, so this small amount of pressure caused him to yelp.

Justin cried, "Daph! Be careful!"

Daphne giggled. "Sorry."

Justin muttered indignantly, "It's hard to believe you mean it when you can't stop laughing during your apology."

Daphne rubbed Justin's back and offered, "Brian's behavior is not that surprising. Men, not all men, but men in general, have been defining themselves by their virility and desirability since the beginning of time. Neanderthal men probably learned to count by carving grooves in bone to record how many times they dragged someone into their cave for stalactite-shattering sex. Hell at least one-third of all male animal behavior revolves around desirability, you know, being chosen."

"True…"

Justin sighed. Despondently, he said, "Daph, maybe Brian's right. Maybe one man can't satisfy him…"

Daphne shook her head. Cutting Justin off, she countered, "Oh no. Don't you even go there. All you need to do is be more creative and assertive. If you get him off before his urges strike, you can take some control. Decide how five of the ten daily orgasms are going to happen. In fact, he may need less sex if you're more aggressive."

"How do you figure?"

"Well...maybe part of the reason he needs it so often is that he doesn't feel desirable enough. So try looking at him more like a piece of meat and less like a work of art. And…speaking of art…you could ask him to pose more often…that might help."

"Hmmm…you may be onto something…"

Daphne piped up, "Oh…Oh, I know. Get freakier. I think freaky sex counts double."

Justin giggled. "Does it now?"

Daphne nodded excitedly.

"Fuck, Brian's freaky enough for the both of us…for ten separate people…"

Daphne shook her head, "And he's imparted nothing to you?"

Justin raised an eyebrow. "Impart? Aren't we brilliant this fine morning…?"

Daphne blushed. "It's never too early to start studying for the GRE…or so my mother says."

Suddenly, Daphne and Justin heard a knock at the door. They both looked up.

Nervously, Justin asked, "Are you expecting someone?"

Daphne shook her head and went to answer the door.

Justin buried his head in the pillow. He just knew it was going to be Brian. He remembered what Daphne had told him. "Be aggressive." So he jumped up and followed Daphne into the living room. As he had guessed, Brian was at the door. But before Brian could say a word, Justin grabbed him by the tie (Justin had snuck out before Brian woke up. Brian was undoubtedly on his way to work) and pushed him into Daphne's bathroom. Then he proceeded to rip Brian's pants off (figuratively) and deepthroat his cock (literally).

Brian was soon threading his fingers through silky blond hair and moaning, "Oh fuck, Sunshine!"

Outside the bathroom, Daphne muttered, "I said be aggressive, but I didn't mean right this second…"


	19. Brian's Darkness Begins to Emerge

_**A/N: This chapter involves rough role playing. Read with caution.**_

Brian walked into the alley. Seeing a hot blond boy, he made his move, lunging at him, pushing him up against a building, and covering his mouth. Brian whispered, "You are going to put my huge dick in your mouth and suck on it until I cum. If you bite me or scream, I'll break your fucking neck. Nod if you understand."

The blond nodded. His eyes were wide, and he trembled in fear. Satisfied, Brian uncovered the blond's mouth and shoved him roughly to the ground. The blond grunted as his knees hit cement. He tried to unzip Brian's jeans, but his hands were shaking. Brian sighed in annoyance and unzipped his jeans himself. The blond licked his lips and then began sliding them over Brian's cock. Apparently, he did so too slowly because Brian grabbed the blond's neck and started to fuck his mouth. He moaned loudly and then breathed, "Yes, oh yes, take it all…"

He let go of the blond's neck and ordered, "Suck my balls." The blond quickly obeyed, slipping one and then the other into his mouth and sucking gently. Brian started stroking his cock hard and fast. His breathing was ragged, and he licked his lips as he stared at the blond's beautiful face, his plump cherry-red lips, which were wet with saliva. Suddenly, Brian stopped jerking off and pulled away.

Brian snapped, "I can't fucking do this!"

Justin sighed and sat on his calves. "Why not?"

Brian swung around, opened his eyes wide, and hissed, "Do you know what I was going to do?"

Justin shook his head.

"I was going to cum all over your face. That's what I do in this scenario. Do you want me to treat you like a fucking whore?"

Justin hesitated, but then stated softly, with a hint of amusement in his voice, "I can wipe cum off my face, Brian."

Brian kicked an empty bottle that was lying on the ground. It shattered when it came into contact with a nearby dumpster.

Justin shivered.

Brian replied impatiently, "But what it represents…how can I do that to someone I love?"

He remained silent for a moment, but then continued, "But I do much worse…"

Justin laughed. "If I'm not offended by a forced sodomy scene, why would I be offended by a rape scene?"

Brian accused, "You were afraid!"

Justin sighed. "I was not."

Brian shook his head and narrowed his eyes.

Justin exclaimed, "I really wasn't, Brian. It's called acting." He laughed and then added lightly, "Apparently I missed my calling."

Brian looked unconvinced. He closed his eyes. "It's fucked up how hard I get at the thought of engaging in that particular role playing scene…even more fucked up, imagining the scene with you in it gets me so close…I could rub up against something and cum buckets. What the fuck does that say about me? About us?"

"Nothing. Well nothing bad. I can easily understand how empowering such a scene must feel…I mean, after feeling so helpless so many times. And…doing that with me is probably more of a turn on because you've told yourself for two years that it would be wrong. Being naughty is always a turn on."

Brian shook his head violently and turned away. Then he shouted, "No! No! Frame it as prettily as you want, but this just shows that, deep down, I'm exactly like Jack. That I want to inflict the greatest possible hurt I can…violating someone who trusts me, someone who loves me. Someone who might not fight back even if he could, someone who thinks, in his fucked up head, that inflicting pain is the way I show him love, that submitting to me is the way to show me his. "

While Brian was talking, Justin had risen to his feet and approached him slowly. Now he lay his hand on Brian's shoulder, squeezing it gently. He half expected Brian to shake it off, but he didn't.

Justin whispered, "The difference is that you and I both know it's not real. You know you don't have to force me to suck your cock…you know I love it when you fuck me. That I even like it rough sometimes." Then he laughed. "More like often." After a pause, he said, "Brian, look at me."

Brian didn't move, so Justin swung around in front of Brian. He was shocked to see that his eyes were filled with unshed tears. Brian quickly looked down.

Justin lifted Brian's chin with a finger until their eyes met. He kissed Brian's lips tenderly and whispered, "It's just a game, Brian. You aren't hurting me. You could never hurt me." Justin chuckled. "Well…not physically."

Brian closed his eyes tight. "You don't know that. Even I don't know that."

Justin wrapped his arms around Brian and nuzzled his neck. He breathed, "I do know. I've never been more certain of anything."

Brian stood rigidly for a few minutes as Justin held him tight and nuzzled his neck.

Suddenly, Brian slid his arms around Justin's waist and buried his face in Justin's hair. He made no sounds, but Justin could tell he was crying because his body shook, and his breathing was uneven. Justin just held Brian tighter. After what seemed like a very long time, Brian's breathing evened out, and his body was still.

Justin pulled away, smiled brightly, and asked, "So…are you gonna push me up against a wall and rape me, or should I just go home and jerk off?"

Brian shook his head, but he smiled, too.


	20. It's A Wonderful Life

Later that night…

Brian was holding a sleeping Justin in his arms. Still awake because he couldn't silence the voices in his head. Jack and Joan's cold voices telling him that he didn't deserve Justin's love and devotion. That he was poison. Twisted. Broken. Marked from birth as worthy of only contempt, if worth notice at all. Brian stared, no, gazed, at Justin, as he often did at night, caressed his face gently, and, for perhaps the thousandth time, tried to memorize every detail: every line and freckle, the feel of his skin, his scent, the sound of his breathing. Someday, these memories would be all Brian had left to sustain him.

He wondered how many times he had mercifully pushed Justin away, only to pull him back at the last moment. Brian knew, like he knew nothing else, that he would eventually need to cut Justin loose. Permanently. He was wildly self-destructive and fundamentally damaged. He destroyed everything he touched, everything he loved. But he was weak and selfish, and, although he was loathe to admit it, even to himself, although it went against every vow he, tears streaming down his face and head swimming with self-hatred and rage, had whispered in the dark as a child, he wanted Justin more than he'd ever wanted anyone or anything. Worse yet, he needed him.

When he'd told Justin that he could give him everything he wanted but that he wouldn't, he was not simply trying to goad him into leaving. He was trying to save him. Who was Brian trying to kid? He was also trying to save himself. If he didn't destroy Justin, Justin would come to despise him and then abandon him, as everyone else in his life had done. But not before breaking everything within reach. Brian had learned early on that trust and love were illusions. Traps. In allowing yourself to be truly vulnerable, you taught your so-called loved ones how to wreck you. They remembered the location of every wound, every crack in your armor, to exploit later when you were at your weakest, when it would serve them best. Brian had survived continual abuse, neglect, and abandonment by telling the world to fuck off, daring it to stick the knife in and twist it. Again and again and again. Taking sick pleasure in the sheer amount of pain he was able to endure. He would live if only to spite the world.

But Justin had complicated everything. Brian had been content to take what he wanted from others and leave. He turned to Lindsay for kindness and compassion, Mikey for adulation and acceptance, and tricks for sexual gratification. He justified this through fair exchange. Tit for tat. He gave Lindsay and Mikey his attention, as fleeting as it might be, and his tricks, pleasure beyond their wildest dreams. None would complain. Before he'd met Justin, Brian had been content. Content with what he knew he could get. Content with what he knew he had earned. But now…now he wanted things he knew were beyond his reach. Things he knew he did not deserve.

As callous as Jacob generally was, particularly with Brian, who he most often viewed as a spoiled child, he couldn't help but be moved by the fear and self-loathing plaguing the young man. Jacob, too, had demons. Nevertheless, he would need to practice some tough love with Brian. Well, tough like. In the blink of an eye, Brian disappeared from his bed and reappeared next to Jacob.

As soon as he'd rematerialized, he exclaimed, "What the fuck!"

Jacob inquired, "Did I snatch you from the wrong side of the bed?"

Brian didn't answer. He just glared.

Jacob chuckled and then asked brightly, "Have you ever seen _It's a Wonderful Life_?"

Brian raised an eyebrow.

Jacob and Brian were in a dark empty space. In response to Jacob's question, Brian retorted, "_It's a Wonderful Life_? Are you fucking kidding me? So you're an angel now?"

Flatly, Jacob replied, "No, but I have been promoted since the last time we spoke."

Brian raised an eyebrow.

Jacob shook his head. "But that doesn't matter. We're not here to talk about me…"

Brian interjected, "I told the little twat that I love him. I offered to give monogamy a try…You've done your 'job.' Shouldn't you be rattling your chains at some other sucker by now? Or with William in the dead people part of town?"

"Unfortunately, you still have some issues. If you don't deal with them soon, you'll just make a mess of things again."

Brian snapped, "Why do you even care?" He paused a moment before continuing, more calmly, "You know what, forget I asked. Let's just get this over with."

Jacob chuckled. "I'm glad you're feeling a little more cooperative tonight. Resistance _is_ futile."

Brian smirked. "You can go anywhere and do anything, and you watch TV?"

"200 years is a long time. Besides, I find all your newfangled gadgets fascinating. So let's get this show on the road. We don't have much time."

Jacob waved his hand and a swirling grey cloud appeared before them. It grew in height and width until it formed a wall. Then it disappeared. In its place stood Mikey and Tracy. They were eating dinner with Debbie and Vic in Debbie's kitchen.

Brian exclaimed, "What the hell? Why is Tracy at Deb's house?"

Jacob replied matter-of-factly, "You were never born. You weren't there to out Michael at work, to encourage him to pursue David, to help him raise enough money to start his own business, or to help Deb and Vic financially. He always had to shoulder that burden alone. So he did what it took to get promotions at work. He married Tracy."

Brian was shocked to the core. He gaped at this version of Mikey, his eyes wide. Incredulously, he cried, "Mikey was always willing to lie a little to make his life easier, but he would never have made his entire life a lie!"

Jacob corrected Brian, "He never would have done that if you'd been there…if he'd witnessed your courage and wished to emulate it."

Mikey smiled and kissed Tracy on the cheek. Then he left.

"Where is he going?"

"Can't you see how pregnant Tracy is? He's going back to work. He's up for another promotion, one he desperately needs to support his growing family, so he's being as much of a 'team player' as he can. Volunteering for jobs no other manager wants."

Brian shook his head and looked down. "I can't watch anymore."

"Onto the next then…"

Brian looked up just in time to see Jacob wave his hand again. The grey cloud reappeared and swirled and then grew, as before, eventually revealing a different scene. Ted was lying in a hospital bed, comatose. Emmett was sitting by Ted's bedside, sobbing, and Ted's mother stood behind him dabbing tears from her eyes with a handkerchief. Then a doctor entered the room. He asked Emmett a question Brian couldn't hear what it was. In response, Emmett drew himself up and nodded firmly, though his pallor indicated that he was less sure than his answer would suggest. The doctor nodded solemnly and turned Ted's respirator off. Ted's mother, Emmett, and the doctor watched Ted for a minute or two. Both Emmett and Ted's mother fought tears as they mentally implored Ted to breathe on his own. Suddenly, the doctor looked up. The machine monitoring Ted's heart rate was beeping. Brian couldn't hear the sounds, but he saw the line representing Ted's heartbeat slow and then stop. Ted's mother fainted from the shock, and Emmett doubled over, sobbing.

Brian cried out, "This isn't possible. Ted woke up from his coma!"

Jacob informed Brian coldly, "He would have if you'd been there. Your struggle with your own mortality gave Ted the time he needed to recover. Emmett, being less stubborn and less self-involved and thus more susceptible to pressure from others to 'end Ted's misery,' told the doctor to pull the plug, just a couple of hours before he would have awakened."

Brian clenched his jaw and looked down. When he lifted his eyes, another scene had already begun to unfold. Brian saw Emmett again, but, now, he was waiting at an altar in a church.

Brian exclaimed, "What the hell?"

Jacob raised his hands helplessly. "Without Ted and Michael around to talk some sense into Emmett after his HIV scare, he continued to attend his See the Light meetings. With nothing to counteract the brainwashing, Emmett ended up believing that his maker wanted him to become a heterosexual, take a wife, and then be fruitful and multiply. So he proposed to the lesbian he was paired with at See the Light. Here comes the blushing bride now."

The 'former' lesbian walked stiffly down the aisle, her eyes dull and lifeless. Beside her, a man, probably her father, beamed. Emmett watched his 'beloved' sadly from the altar. He clearly cared about her, but he looked like he'd just been sentenced to life imprisonment.

Brian turned away in disgust. When Jacob said, "Last but not least…," Brian couldn't bring himself to turn back. He'd been convinced, since day one, that Justin would have been better off if they'd never met. But he didn't know that for sure. Until then, it had just been a sneaking suspicion. A huge part of him wanted to learn that that suspicion was unfounded. If it were not…he couldn't even imagine how he would feel. It was one thing to tell himself that he would someday need to let Justin go because he was probably bad for him. But if he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was true, this "someday…probably" would quickly become real. Suddenly, Brian felt an ache in his heart so painful that he couldn't breathe. Brian had never before felt the full impact of losing Justin. Even when he pushed him away, he felt sure that they weren't quite done. But in a few minutes, they could be. How could he claim to love Justin while holding onto him if he knew for sure that Justin would be happier without him?

Brian clenched his fists and looked up. He had to know. Jacob observed Brian closely. Even after learning of the terrible fates Mikey, Ted, and Emmett would have suffered if he had not been born and knowing that these scenes weren't real, just possibilities that would never come to be, still, he wasn't sure Brian could handle this final scene. As soon as the swirling grey mass disappeared, Brian paled. He looked stricken. Watching this scene, he was reliving his worst nightmare. He looked on helplessly as Justin and Daphne left the prom. They were talking and laughing as they walked through the parking garage. They must have left early because no other teenagers were trailing behind. Suddenly, Chris Hobbs emerged from the shadows wielding a baseball bat. Neither Daphne nor Justin saw him coming. A moment later, Justin was lying on the ground bleeding. Brian flinched when the baseball bat made contact with Justin's skull. Daphne tried to fight Hobbs off, but he was too strong. He pushed her away roughly, so roughly that she flew several feet, hit her head on a metal beam, and lost consciousness. With no one else around and Justin lying helpless on the cold cement, already beginning to fade, Hobbs didn't stop with one swing. He landed blow after blow on Justin's skull…until…Brian couldn't even think it. When Hobbs dropped the bat and ran, Brian fell to his knees and vomited. Then he covered his eyes. He made no sound, but his body shook from the force of his sobs.

Jacob had expected this, so he simply waited, though he looked at the young man compassionately. When Brian had recovered somewhat, he stood up. He was no longer crying, but he was still a little unsteady on his feet. After a couple minutes of silence, Brian confessed, his voice husky with emotion, "I thought it was me. Everyone did. Everyone thought that I'd made him a target. Everyone but Justin."

Jacob responded softly, "Justin was right. With or without you in his life, he was destined to have some type of sexual experience with Hobbs. And Justin being who he is, at his very core a courageous and honest person, he was destined to simply be himself, without hiding, without shame. That is what made Hobbs target him. Not you or anything you did. If you hadn't been there, Justin would have died alone in that parking garage. Without you, he would have had no future at all."

Jacob waved his hand once more and then said, "Let's take a look at a different possibility…"

Brian steeled himself.

"If you continue on the path you've been treading for the last two years, continuing to push Justin away, this is the most likely outcome."

Brian saw an older Justin sitting in a small office. A framed picture of Justin and a man Brian didn't recognize sat on the desk. In it, Justin was smiling, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. Justin opened the bottom right drawer of his desk and pulled out an unframed picture, a bottle of scotch, and a glass. The picture was slightly wrinkled and faded, as though it had been handled many times over the years. It depicted Justin and Brian at the GLC art show, Brian with his arm around a brightly smiling Justin. Justin poured himself a tumbler of scotch and then sipped it as he stared at the picture. After he'd finished the glass, he whispered (this time Brian could hear what was spoken), his voice full of unshed tears, "Happy Birthday, Brian." Then he placed the items back in the drawer, locked up the office, and left.

Brian stammered, "I…I don't understand."

Jacob explained, "If you keep pushing Justin away, he will eventually leave you for good. Then while you indulge much more heavily in drugs and anonymous sex than ever before, Justin will go from one relationship to another, each a failure, each short lived. He will only really commit after your 'accidental' overdose. Before then, even though he will not know it, he'll be waiting for you. After your death, Justin will lose what little inspiration he has left and stop painting for good. That will coincide with his father's death. He'll take that as a sign that he should run the store. That's where he was. After committing to the man in the picture, he'll only permit himself to think about you on your birthday. He'll look at that picture of the two of you and allow himself to become conscious of how much he misses you, how much he still loves you, the feelings that usually only surface in his dreams. The rest of the year, he's dead inside."

Brian felt a horrible ache in his chest. He blinked back tears and asked, his voice breaking, "And if I don't? Then what?"

Jacob shrugged. "There are many possibilities. But rest assured that the two I showed you are not among them. What I hope you'll take from this is that Justin will be happier and more successful with you in his life. He needs you as much as you need him."


	21. A New Day

It was a new day. Brian awoke, as he had done for the better part of a year, with Justin in his bed, in his arms, but something was different. Somehow, he was different. He had a million impulses, all variations on a theme, but none seemed quite right. All he knew was that he needed to tell the world that he was Justin's, and Justin's alone, that he loved him. The question was, how? The gesture needed to be unique and…big. Brian had so much damage to undo. Rings? By themselves, a little cheesy. An announcement at the diner? Not big enough and a little silly. Course, Brian felt a little silly anyway, and he kind of liked it. A commitment ceremony? Justin was still so young. He might think that Brian was enough, and maybe he was…for the moment. But would he always be? Jacob's last words to Brian reverberated in his mind: "What I hope you'll take from this is that Justin will be happier and more successful with you in his life. He needs you as much as you need him."

Brian turned his gaze to Justin. He was sleeping peacefully, a soft smile on his lips, his hair a ruffled mess. Brian gently brushed a few stray hairs off Justin's forehead. As he did so, he remembered something inner Justin had said: "Neither the bed nor the loft are really mine. I know that we will probably never share a home we chose and decorated together or a bed in which we have fucked only each other. That's too much to hope for. But that would be nice. To be able to give my address without some guy smiling at me smugly, remembering the night my boyfriend fucked him there, in the bed I sleep in every night."

Brian frowned for a moment, but then grinned. He had already remedied the bed issue…what if…

Two days later…

Justin was confused. Brian had left a cryptic note in the loft that morning before heading off to work early. In the note, Brian had asked Justin to meet him somewhere at 9pm. He'd left the address. Justin didn't recognize it. He'd gotten directions from mapquest. The place was nearby, but in a neighborhood Justin couldn't remember ever being in. So Justin had borrowed his mom's car and was on his way over. Justin's eyes widened as he drew nearer (he was on the street in question, probably just a few houses down from the house he was looking for). Cars lined both sides of the street.

Justin thought, "Must be someone's having a party."

A couple minutes later, Justin pulled into a long driveway, but then stopped. The house was completely dark. He looked down at the address Brian had given him and then back at the mailbox. That was it. He followed the driveway until he reached what appeared to be a three-car garage. He put the car in park and shut it off. As soon as he opened the car door, floodlights clicked on. Justin stood, closed the door, and turned toward the house. Justin's jaw nearly dropped. It couldn't be…

Six months ago, Brian and Justin had been driving to Liberty Avenue from Lindsay and Mel's house. Halfway there, Justin had unzipped Brian's pants and started sucking his cock. Brian loved Justin's blowjobs, but he had been looking forward to fucking Justin nearly the entire time they were at Lindsay and Mel's; the blowjob merely whet his appetite. So they had pulled over and fucked right there, parked on the street, Justin in Brian's lap, riding him. Afterward, Justin had noticed the house in front of which they'd parked. It was a huge four-story Victorian, with a wraparound porch, two bay windows on the second floor, and even a tower room. The yard was enormous and contained several cherry trees (and a for sale sign). Justin, in awe, had said, "Wow! What a beautiful house! Someday, I'd like to live in one exactly like this, down to the cherry trees."

Now he was standing in the driveway of that very house. Justin walked up to the front. Then he paused for a moment. He took a deep breath and tried to still his rapidly beating heart. He had no idea why he was here…He didn't want to get his hopes up. In his note, Brian had said just to walk in, that the door would be unlocked. So Justin climbed the stairs to the porch and tried the door. It opened. Then he stepped into the house, squinting in an attempt to separate the objects in the room from the darkness. He walked a few feet with his hands out in front of him so that he wouldn't bump into anything. Suddenly, his hand brushed up against something, or rather someone.

Justin whispered, "Brian?"

Brian replied evenly, "It's me, Sunshine." Then he pulled Justin into his arms and flipped a switch. Justin's heart nearly leaped out of his chest when he heard "SURPRISE" (shouted by at least fifty people).

Justin looked over at Brian in confusion. Brian smiled and placed a tender kiss on Justin's cheek. Then he drawled, "Welcome home, Sunshine."


	22. Brian Chooses Justin

Justin stammered, "I…I don't understand. You bought this house?"

Brian nodded. "For us."

Justin's eyes widened, and a smile started creeping across his lips.

"I…"

Justin was having difficulty speaking. However, his eyes had a lot to say. First and foremost, they asked, "Why?"

Brian shrugged almost imperceptibly. Fortunately, inner Brian was less taciturn. He confessed,  
"I need you to know that you're…the one and to tell the world that I love you."

Justin blinked, fighting back tears. He really wished…hoped that Brian felt that way.

Inner Justin inquired, a little desolately, "What am I to you?"

Brian's chest constricted. Was it possible that Justin still didn't know?

Inner Brian breathed, "You're everything. Everything to me."

Justin kicked one foot against the other and looked down, unable to keep from smiling; even if the words came from inside his head and not Brian's mouth, they still sounded beautiful to him.

Suddenly, Brian grabbed Justin, spun him so that he was facing the crowd, and slid his arms around Justin's waist. He placed several open-mouthed kisses on Justin's neck and nibbled on his earlobe. He was buying time. He wasn't sure he could do this.

Justin looked around. People were everywhere. He saw his and Brian's adopted family: Debbie, Vic, Michael, Ben, Ted, and Emmett, his mom (his mom?!), and tons and tons of men that Justin had seen many, many times at Babylon, Woody's, Pistol, Boitoi, and the Baths...some he had fucked, some Brian had fucked, some they had fucked together, some neither had yet fucked (though they'd possibly be interested if they weren't doing the monogamy thing), and others neither had ever been interested in fucking. They filled the front room, the living room down the half-staircase, and the kitchen. Justin wondered what on earth Brian had been thinking with the guest list.

Inner Justin urged Brian, "I need to hear you say it. But what I want, what I really want, is for you to tell everyone. To finally…finally choose me."

Brian frowned. He was being bullied by a voice inside his head. He was now officially insane. He closed his eyes for a moment. Unbidden, an image of an older Justin surged to the front of his mind…Justin sitting at a desk, drinking scotch, staring at a crumpled picture of Brian, looking just as crumpled. He swallowed hard and opened his eyes.

Fuck it.

He grinned, wrapped his arms more tightly around Justin, and called out, "This house is a gift from me to…"

His voice broke a little.

"…to the man I love, Justin."

He paused for a moment, but then added, much more softly, "My Sunshine."

Most of the men stared at Brian aghast. They immediately assumed he was on some terrible drug. But Debbie, Jennifer Taylor, and Emmett made "aww" faces with crinkly eyes. Ted stared at Brian with wide eyes, Ben smiled brightly, and Michael frowned, his eyes darker than pitch and his brow deeply lined.

Justin turned in Brian's arms. Brian looked down at first, suddenly, inexplicably afraid of what he would see in Justin's eyes. When he lifted his head a couple moments later, he was rewarded with the highest-wattage Sunshine smile he'd ever seen and sparkling blue eyes, dancing, laughing blue eyes.

Justin leaned into Brian, nuzzled his neck, and then breathed, "You're fucking amazing, Brian Kinney. I love you so fucking much!"

Justin brushed his lips gently against Brian's and thrust his tongue into his mouth. Brian stopped breathing for a second, and his heart actually skipped a beat. When he'd recovered, he let out a low growl, grabbed Justin by the neck, and took control, plundering Justin's mouth. Justin sighed, in relief and contentment, melted into Brian, and slid his arms slowly around his neck, moaning softly in Brian's mouth.

Jennifer Taylor turned away, though she couldn't help but smile, while everyone else (but Michael, who was still frowning darkly) hooted and hollered.


	23. Desires, to Kill, to Love, to Fxxx

Avaarha, Goddess of the Underworld, was angry. Enraged even. Ethan, the son of her current favorite, Rosanna, had been rejected by his beau, and cruelly. That fair-haired boy's behavior was outrageous. To reject someone who loved him, who offered him everything when he had no one he felt he could count on, to spit on that love, that gift, like it was nothing, to break up in such a thoughtless manner, was unforgivable. But Avaarha was old, ancient even. She was long past her fiery, foolish days. So she had waited and watched. And she was glad she had. For some reason, two other Gods had taken an interest in the boy, the newly ascended Jacob and Kaila, particularly Kaila. For all Avaarha knew, this Justin Taylor was Kaila's new favorite. Jacob was nothing. Not yet. But Kaila, she might be a threat. Kaila was younger than Avaarha, but she was wise and very knowledgeable. In fact, the depth of her knowledge was rivaled only by that of the two eldest Gods, Elesne and Hakam. No, Avaarha would need to bide her time, to plot carefully. But, one way or another, Justin Taylor would pay. Perhaps she could cause problems between he and his boyfriend, Brian Kinney. Subtly, without raising Kaila's suspicion. They were a train wreck. It wouldn't take much.

*******

Little did Avaarha know that another God was plotting to break Brian and Justin up at the very same moment. It was the God of Fire, Dynatosagni. He had been 'taken' with Brian Kinney in every incarnation. All 500. He had even come to the man in various guises to sate his desire for the mortal. It seemed that that desire grew exponentially with every incarnation. He seemed to grow more beautiful, more irresistible each time. Thus, Dynatosagni had come to Brian in this incarnation every year since he'd gone through puberty. Much more frequently than he had done with any of his previous incarnations. But now, that was no longer possible. Now that Brian had promised himself to Justin Taylor. This eventually happened in every incarnation. That's when he had to step in and break them up. He'd done it 499 times so far. He could do it again. Little misunderstandings and supposed betrayals usually did the trick. He must or he'd never again feel that beautiful man's hands and mouth on his body, never again feel his manhood deep inside him, at least not in this lifetime. And he could not exist without Brian's caresses. Not for long. The periods between incarnations were more and more agonizing each time.

Dynatosagni hated Justin Taylor with a frightening intensity. He had tried to reach Brian as early as possible in each incarnation, to try to capture his heart before Justin could, first with dreams and then in flesh, but it had never worked. The second Brian laid eyes on Justin, it was all over. Even after their break ups, he could do nothing to win Brian's love. He could have his body, but that's all that was left once Justin was gone. In all honesty, Dynatosagni liked it best when Brian and Justin were together but not monogamous. That led to the hottest lovemaking, not that Brian would call it that, probably because Brian was still trying to convince himself that he wasn't in love with Justin, that Justin wasn't the best lover he'd ever had.

If only Dynatosagni could sway Brian's heart. Dynatosagni would simply have forced his will upon Brian long ago, but Elesne would not allow it. Love must be honest and true. Natural. So every 400 years, he tried again, and, every 400 years, he failed. The worst was when Justin died before Brian. Then Brian became a complete zombie. Dynatosagni sighed. He wished Brian would simply love him. In the deepest part of his heart (his figurative heart), he wished he were Justin. Yes, he'd gladly become mortal again if only Brian would love him. But Dynatosagni knew that that would never happen. Brian and Justin were soulmates. The best Dynatosagni could hope for was Brian's body, never his heart. But he'd take it. He'd take whatever he could get.

One might ask why, if Dynatosagni loved Brian, Dynatosagni did not protect him during childhood. For he was mistreated in every lifetime. He'd tried that once. Just once. Oddly enough, that had caused Brian to become someone else. A cold, shallow, self-involved person, what Brian was on the outside (That had been an especially bad incarnation for all three of them, Brian, Justin, and Dynatosagni, particularly for Justin and Dynatosagni). Dynatosagni should have guessed this would be so, being that he was the God of Fire. He knew all too well that fire ignited even as it tempered and purified. But he had been young and foolish then. He had not realized that mortals needed to experience pain, to suffer. That was, in part, how they developed hearts, how their souls grew. But still, he couldn't bear to see Brian in agony. So he protected him as much as he could. Sometimes, during particularly bad beatings, Dynatosagni would send Brian waking dreams. Most often sexual fantasies, but with the attendant pleasure, as though he were dreaming during sleep, but awake. Then Brian would not feel the pain. Sometimes, Dynatosagni would give Brian's father a little push, e.g., down stairs, if he were near a staircase, or increase Brian's father's blood alcohol levels, causing the man to pass out. But he could never protect Brian completely. Brian was forged in blood and tears. And the world needed Brian. Dynatosagni needed Brian.

*******

Brian and Justin's guests had finally gone home. Justin didn't know how Brian had managed it, but Brian had all of their belongings from the loft brought to the new house while Justin was at school and work. As Justin walked through each room (Brian and Michael were talking on the porch), he still couldn't believe it. When Justin reached the bedroom, he threw himself on the bed. His eyes widened. Apparently, Brian had gotten a mirror installed on the ceiling (Justin highly doubted that it was there when Brian purchased the house). Justin was immediately turned on by the thought of fucking beneath it. He quickly stripped. He lay there for a few minutes waiting, but Brian was taking his sweet time. Eventually, Justin got impatient and went searching for the 'toy chest.' He found it in the closet. Justin smiled. So much to choose from. He grabbed a few things and then returned to the bed. First he donned a black leather cock ring and matching black collar. Then he crawled back onto the bed. First, he took lube out of the nightstand drawer, lubed up a black vibrating butt plug, and then slowly worked it in to his ass and put it on the first setting. Then he cuffed his feet and then his hands (behind his back; he was on his side).

That's when Brian walked in. Brian quirked an eyebrow.

Justin smiled a naughty smile and then tried out his newfound acting skills, putting on a mask of indignation and declaring hotly, "You can fuck me, but I'll never want you. I won't enjoy it. I'm promised to another, and I love him."

Brian grinned and started stripping. Justin tried not to respond as Brian divested himself of his clothes, but he was doing so slowly, moving his body sinuously, with so much grace. Justin's eyes darkened, and he licked his lips. Then Brian strode over to the bed and sat down. He drawled, "I don't want your love. And you _will_ enjoy it. I'll have you moaning my name and begging for more."

Justin scoffed, "That's unlikely."

Brian just smiled. "Whatever you say."

Then he uncuffed Justin's feet and moved him so that he was sitting up, his legs dangling over the side of the bed. The added pressure on the butt plug caused Justin to moan before he could stifle it. Brian grinned. "That's too easy." He pushed Justin onto his back, turned the butt plug off, and removed it. Then he pulled him back into a sitting position and spread Justin's legs. He ran his fingers along Justin's thighs, softly, so softly that Justin shivered. Justin glared at Brian and moaned, "Oh Steve."

Brian quirked an eyebrow and laughed. "Really? _Really_? Steve. What a boring name. He must be a real wet blanket in the bedroom."

Justin lifted up his chin and hissed, "He's fucking amazing at fucking. He brings me places you could never even dream of."

Brian clenched his jaw. But then he smiled, his eyes cold, and replied evenly, "We'll see. I'm tempted to gag you, but then I wouldn't be able to hear you begging for more."

Brian leaned in and drew the flat of his tongue along the underside of Justin's shaft (which was quite erect) and then over the tip, lapping up Justin's precum. Justin continued to glare at Brian. But when Brian licked and sucked the tip of Justin's cock all around the side and then drew it into his mouth and sucking on it hard, Justin had to bite his lip to hold back the whimper that was dying to come out. And when Brian started deepthroating Justin's cock and swallowing around the tip, Justin closed his eyes so Brian wouldn't see the pleasure he was giving him and even pulled his hands as far apart as they would go, to take the edge off and prevent himself from moaning. Brian stopped after a few moments to see Justin, his eyes shut tight and his body stiff as a board. It was a comical sight. Brian couldn't help but chuckle. This caused Justin's eyes to open and flash with anger.

Brian pushed Justin onto his back, crawled onto the bed next to Justin, slipped two fingers into Justin's well-prepared hole, and started massaging his prostate. He tried to kiss Justin, but Justin turned away, his mouth shut tight. That was followed by a deep body moan as Brian began to stroke Justin's cock slowly. Between the prostate massage and Brian's firm hand on his cock, squeezing it so tight even as he slid his hand up and down Justin's shaft, Justin's body was humming and thrumming with electricity. He even pushed back onto Brian's fingers. Brian found this quite amusing, especially when Justin scowled at him.

When Justin's balls began to tighten, Brian ceased his ministrations. Justin couldn't stifle the complaining whimper. Brian tilted his head and smiled. "All you have to do is ask for what we both know you want. Then I'll give you the release you need."

Justin spat out, "Never."

Brian shrugged. "Have it your way." Then he began licking and sucking on Justin's neck as he gently tugged on Justin's nipple ring. Justin bit his lower lip cutely and squeezed his eyes tight. Brian started sucking on Justin's neck harder and then bit him. Hard. Justin couldn't hold back the moan that inspired. Brian grinned. In moaning, Justin had opened his mouth slightly. He leaned in, brushed his lips against Justin's, and, before Justin could close his mouth, thrust his tongue inside, all the while tugging on the nipple ring and, to up the ante, started tugging on Justin's cock once more. Justin moaned into Brian's mouth and actually turned into the kiss. A moment of Brian plundering Justin's mouth later, Justin was kissing Brian back desperately. Brian ceased his ministrations and grabbed Justin's neck, pulling him closer and kissing him more deeply. Justin met Brian's passion with his own and moaned again. When he started rutting against Brian's leg, Brian pulled away and smiled.

He drawled, "Do you have anything to say to me?"

Justin looked torn. He sighed but then shook his head. Justin did so despondently, Brian noted (with great pleasure). Justin's cock was engorged and leaking copious quantities of precum. It wouldn't be long before Justin was begging for Brian's cock, and perhaps through tears of frustration. Brian decided then that he liked this game very much. He might even like it better on the other side. An orgasm after such self-denial and sweet torture might even render him unconscious.


	24. Enter Kyran

Avaarha smiled. It had taken two weeks. After all, she hadn't wanted to raise suspicion, and she was unsure about the breadth of Kaila's powers. But she'd finally done it. She'd found the perfect body to accompany the perfect soul. Together, they made Kyran. _Kyran_. He would be perfect.

**********

Justin was exhausted. He'd been working for ten hours already and had two more to go. He sighed, wiped the sweat off his brow, and grabbed the two coffee pots. Then he started going from table to table, each of them occupied (it was the late-night rush), to fill people's cups. He was moving fast (people were clamoring for refills), but, unfortunately, he wasn't really looking where he was going (he was tired and annoyed, as guys had been grabbing his ass all night), so when a young man entered the diner and moved toward the counter, Justin ran right into him. The coffee pots collided and shattered, spilling hot coffee all over Justin's hands and the newcomer's chest. Justin cried out. The newcomer, ignoring his own pain, lifted Justin into his arms and ran toward the bathroom, shoving people out of the way as he went. Justin, who had received the brunt of the spill, was experiencing so much pain that he could barely see. His consciousness only returned fully when the pain started to wane, as cool water flowed over his hands. He suddenly became aware that he was leaning against a naked chest, a broad, perfectly muscled chest, and that someone's strong arms were around him. One arm was holding him gently around the waist, and the other, lying on top of his left arm. The man was caressing it soothingly with his hand. Justin shivered, and his cock started to harden. Only when he heard what he'd come to realize was Inner Brian's low growl did Justin shake his head and step closer to the sink, and out of the strange man's embrace. Then he snuck a look at him. He was gorgeous. Light brown hair and large sea green eyes. There was so much kindness and compassion in those eyes. Justin smiled at him. The man met his smile with his own shy smile. Justin flushed slightly.

Then, the rest of the world slowly started seeping back in. Justin was now aware of people whispering outside the bathroom, and Debbie's half-shouting, half-wailing, "Kiki, I can clean this up; Go, go! I mean it! Did you call Brian yet? Well, then, check on Sunshine!" Justin heard Kiki's flustered assent and then the clicking of high heels heading their way (why was she wearing high heels? Oh right, it was Kiki's night off. She'd been there with friends when the accident happened). But before she arrived, Justin heard the ringing of the bells on the door, sharply. Someone must've thrown the door open roughly. The pealing of the bells was quickly followed by a very familiar bark, as well as complaining hisses as the barking man pushed people out of his way. Justin couldn't help but smile. _Brian_.

A moment later, the bathroom door swung open with a whoosh and what sounded like a breath, but Justin knew that it was Brian's soft whisper: "Sunshine." Brian glared at Justin's savior and, noting that he was half-naked, pushed him away roughly and wrapped his arms around Justin's waist and kissed Justin's neck gently. Then he pulled Justin's hands from under the flowing water. They were still red. Brian whispered huskily, "Does it hurt?"

Justin winced in response.

"We need to get you to a hospital."

Justin's savior piped up, "I have a car. I can drive you."

Brian smiled, but his eyes were cold. He asked tightly, "What's your name?"

The newcomer replied softly, "Kyran."

Brian drawled, "Well, Kyran, thanks for your help, but I can take it from here. I'm Justin's partner, Brian."

Justin's eyes widened in shock. Brian had never called him his partner before. Then Brian did something perhaps even more shocking. He lifted Justin into his arms and carried him out of the bathroom. Justin complained, but with amusement and love in his voice, "I can walk, you know."

Brian growled, but gently, "Stop being a twat and let me take care of you."

Justin smiled brightly, even though his hands still burned. He replied cheerfully, "Okay."


	25. Joy, Jealousy, Guilt, Unease, Excitement

Dynatosagni had decided to take a more direct, but not dissimilar, approach from Avaarha's (though he was unaware of her plans), one that he'd used, and successfully, many times. That is, he intended to catch Brian at a weak moment and either seduce him or use the attempt to instill doubt in Justin about Brian's fidelity. Unfortunately, at the moment, Brian and Justin were closer than ever. So he'd been watching Brian, and waiting. And today, he'd seen Brian's intense jealousy for that handsome stranger, as well as that handsome stranger's clear interest in Justin. Dynatosagni laughed joyfully. Very soon, Dynatosagni would have his chance.

*********

As it turned out, Justin's injuries were only first-degree burns. The emergency room doctor applied some Lidocaine/aloe vera topical gel to them to provide Justin immediate relief from the pain, which was still substantial, and gave Justin a tube of plain aloe vera gel to facilitate the healing process and a bottle of ibuprofen to reduce the swelling. Then the doctor sent Justin on his merry way. And merry he was.

Justin raised his eyebrows and teased, in a singsong voice, "You were soooo jealous! _Brian Kinney_ was jealous!"

Brian scoffed, "Of Mr. Good Samaritan? Not likely."

Justin smiled brightly, his eyes twinkling. "Oh yeah, you were. You couldn't stake your claim on me fast enough."

Brian harrumphed and rolled his eyes. But he didn't deny it. He couldn't. As was always the case, he'd wanted to rip that guy's head off just for looking at Justin, for wanting him. Except that now, Brian was not tortured by the knowledge that other men might soon be sucking Justin off…might soon be fucking or being fucked by him. Course, back then, Brian hadn't known that Justin never let anyone but Brian fuck him. But that would have been little comfort. Whatever Brian'd said in the past, he'd never been comfortable sharing Justin with anyone. Not even on date night. Brian had been, as ever, a man of contradictions. He had been especially possessive after Ian, which was why Brian had offered to give monogamy a try shortly after Justin had returned to him.

"So we're partners now?"

Inner Justin whispered nervously, "Please say that we are. I need to hear you confirm it."

Brian snapped out of his haze and turned to look at Justin. Justin was wearing a confident expression, but it was, unfortunately, belied by his eyes; they held vulnerability.

Brian ignored Inner Justin. He clenched a fist and replied archly, "Are we?"

Justin was genuinely flabbergasted. "What?"

Brian turned his eyes back to the road. He stated coldly, "You wanted him."

"Who?"

"Mr. Good Samaritan."

Justin had forgotten all about that guy. Once Brian had arrived, nothing else had mattered. Especially after Brian had called Justin his partner and carried him out of the diner. Justin cracked a smile at the thought. It'd been so _An_ _Officer and a Gentleman_. Justin laughed. "Him? Brian, please."

Brian narrowed his eyes and hissed, "You were hard."

Justin looked down. His chest tightened. There was no denying that the guy had turned him on. But then he took a deep breath and looked back up. "Brian. Brian. Look at me."

After a few long moments, Brian turned his head. His eyes held an accusation. Justin pressed his lips together and then said, as evenly as he could manage, "So what if he did? A lot of guys get me hard."

Brian's eyes flashed, and he turned away. Justin continued, "Yeah, a lot of guys get me hard. But a lot of guys get you hard, too. That doesn't mean I want to fuck them. Why would I? I have you. You're all I want."

Inner Brian whispered, "I need to know you mean that."

Justin's eyes widened.

Brian looked down and sighed. He was acting insane, and he knew it. But he also knew the danger of a little admiration where Justin was concerned. Mr. Good Samaritan was a threat, and not simply because he was hot. But making accusations wouldn't help. Brian had to trust. That was something he'd never wanted to do. He'd built walls and created rules so that he never needed to trust. Trust could be so easily betrayed. But now, trust and love were all he had to rely on. Brian smirked and said, with faux lightness and amusement, though he hoped Justin wouldn't pick up on it, "Good point. Why fuck anyone else when you have me?"

Justin smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. Brian had just been teasing him. Right? Probably to get back at him for teasing Brian about his jealousy, and about their being partners. Justin laughed as he exclaimed, "You shouldn't fuck with me like that!"

Brian smirked and drawled, "Sunshine, you're just too easy."

Justin was still uneasy, but he tried not to show it. Instead, he moved closer to Brian and nuzzled his neck as he whispered huskily, "I thought that's what you liked best about me." Brian began to pant as Justin started unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, and, just as Justin took Brian's cock into his mouth, Brian closed his eyes and breathed, "Not even close, Sunshine. Not even close."

At the same time, Inner Brian and Inner Justin whispered, "I love you."

*********

Kaila was uneasy. Something wasn't right, but she couldn't put her finger on what. Mr. Perfect's sudden appearance, his "saving" Justin, Brian's deep (and obvious) jealousy, the guilt coming off of Justin in waves. Circumstances were lining up in an extremely unfortunate way. It couldn't be coincidental. No way.

*********

Jacob was watching half-naked men dancing at Babylon. And he was excited. But not for the reason one might think. His new powers were quite extensive, as he was only just discovering. And his strongest powers involved the skill he had had in life and in death, getting inside people, at first figuratively and then literally. But now, he could "possess" people for more than just a minute or two at a time. And he thought he could make it possible for William to do the same. For the first time in so, so many years, Jacob and William could make love, in actual bodies, instead of just intermingling their incorporeal forms. True, that kind of union was incredible, something Jacob could never have dreamed of in life, but still, physical union was incredible, too. Pretty soon, Jacob and William would have both.


	26. Just Another Night at Babylon, Part 1

After Brian exploded into Justin's mouth (and Justin sat back up), Brian kissed Justin's lips gently. Then he asked, "So you feel like going to Babylon for a drink, a dance, and a fuck before we head home?"

Justin smiled. He became blissfully happy every time Brian said that word ("home"). Since Brian had bought that four-story Victorian (with two cherry trees out front) for them, "home" had taken on a completely new meaning. Justin drawled, "Sure." Brian smiled (a little) and turned right (instead of left), heading back toward Liberty Avenue.

Jacob finally found the body he wanted to inhabit (for the night). With light brown hair and large sea green eyes, the man was gorgeous. He also had a broad, perfectly muscled chest and kind, compassionate eyes, to which he knew William would have a strong positive reaction.

Ben was angry. Angrier than he'd ever been. And sad. So sad. He and Michael had broken up shortly after Brian and Justin's party. Ben had seen the bitterness, anger, and deep jealousy in Michael's eyes when Brian had said that he loved Justin, and Ben had lost all patience. He knew that Michael still held a torch for Brian, but, somehow, he'd convinced himself that soon Michael would forget all about Brian. That someday, he would be enough for Michael. But after their big blow out following the party, Ben was less sure.

It had all started with Michael's whining. "I can't believe Brian actually bought that little twat a house…and that he said…" Michael couldn't even finish that sentence, that thought. It was incomprehensible. He shook his head and continued, "The little asshole cheated on Brian! CHEATED on BRIAN. The hottest guy to ever walk into Babylon!"

Ben flinched at that. Unable to keep the hurt and annoyance out of his voice, he hissed, "And me? What am I? A troll?"

Michael looked at his boyfriend for the first time since before Brian had made his "little announcement." "What?"

Ben pressed, "You just said that Brian was the hottest guy to ever walk into Babylon. So I'm asking you, what does that make me?"

"Oh Ben…I didn't mean…"

Ben turned away, cutting him off, "Whatever." Then he swung back around. "So what if Brian told a party full of people that he loves his boyfriend? So what if he bought them a house? What's it to you?"

Michael was suddenly scared. Ben had never called him on his feelings for Brian before. Not directly. He stammered, "I…um…"

Ben snapped, "That's right. Nothing. Brian doesn't love you like that. He'll _never_ love you like that! In fact, if I understand Brian, and, after everything you've told me and what I've seen, I think I do, I'm almost absolutely certain that Brian will _never_ love _anyone_ like he loves Justin. So you need to fucking deal with it!"

Michael's eyes widened (Ben hardly ever swore) and started to fill with tears (Michael didn't want to believe Ben was right). What he should have been more concerned about (rather than whether or not Ben was right) was whether Ben was about to dump him. Which, of course, he was. Ben sighed and shook his head once more. "Michael, you need to get over Brian. When you do, give me a call." Then he strode out of Michael's apartment and slammed the door. Michael just blinked. What had just happened?

So now, the next night, Ben was at Babylon. Drinking and watching men dance. He couldn't trick, though he wanted to, but just being around sweaty half-naked bodies undulating to the thumpa, thumpa, thumpa of the music, somehow, made him feel better. Then Ben caught the eye of the gorgeous man with light brown hair and sea green eyes who had caught Jacob's attention, the man who'd been Justin's savior earlier that night, though neither Ben nor Jacob knew that, the man named Kyran. Kyran was at Babylon looking for a trick, a hot body to help him forget blond hair, crystal-blue eyes, and a shy smile. When Kyran's eyes lighted on Ben, he knew he'd found the perfect distraction. And from what he could tell, that man needed someone to distract him just as badly. Kyran smiled and sauntered up to the man.

"Hi. You look lonesome. Need some company?"

Ben raked his eyes over the man's beautiful body (which he could see very clearly because his shirt was still off, from removing it at the diner, ruined as it was by hot coffee, though Ben didn't know that, and his jeans were very tight). But then he sighed and shook his head. He confessed (into the man's ear, as the music was quite loud in the club), "As much as I do need company, I can't."

"Why?"

"I'm…I'm positive."

Kyran shrugged. "So? We'll use condoms."

Ben shivered, a delicious shiver, as he let himself imagine, for a second, that he could take the man up on his offer. Then he replied solemnly, "No. I couldn't let you take that risk."

"It's mine to take. I want you. You're so hot. The hottest guy here."

Ben swallowed hard. God, he so needed to hear that. In that moment, he couldn't help but take what this beautiful man was so freely offering. That's how Kyran and Ben ended up in the backroom. Right next to Brian and Justin, who'd had a drink and a dance and were now indulging in a fuck. At the moment, Brian and Justin were oblivious to Kyran and Ben, and Ben was oblivious to Brian and Justin, for he was pressed against the wall, eyes shut tight, as Kyran plunged his huge cock inside Ben, over and over. Ben didn't often bottom, but tonight he needed to feel a deep connection to someone (to someone who wasn't Michael). He needed to feel wanted and taken. And Kyran (Ben and Kyran had introduced themselves before Kyran had thrust his tongue into Ben's mouth and then his cock into Ben's ass) was giving him everything he needed and then some. Ben had never, never, felt so possessed, so desired. Kyran was licking and sucking on his neck and caressing Ben's ass and hips as he fucked him. Of course, Ben had no idea that this overwhelming desire and need to own Ben's body was inspired by Justin, who was currently writhing against Brian as Brian thrust into him. Ben had no idea that he was only a peripheral cause of Kyran's desperate moans and grunts. But even if Ben had known, he wouldn't have been disappointed. He wouldn't have felt he had the right to be. He was using Kyran to forget about Michael, after all.

Jacob didn't know what either Ben or Kyran was thinking. The only thing on his mind was the glorious night of fucking he and William would have in Kyran and Ben's bodies. They were so beautiful, and they fit together so well. They were perfect!

TBC…(later tonight, I hope)

A/N: Ben and Michael's separation is only temporary. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm just using Ben for his hotness. I don't generally write Ben/Mikey, so please forgive any mistakes I make.


End file.
